Because The Computer Is Laughing At Me....

I am getting what I have come to know as "The Circle Of Life" across my computer screen...and when that happens at work there is literally nothing I can do since we have become a "paperless" company...wanna know the true irony of that?  It was my idea...  I was the one that went into the offices of the people that make the decisions and stated that we were drowning in our own paper fecal waste and it was a travesty and we needed to end this now...  that was 9 years ago.. 9 years ago when the computer went down at work I caught up on filing and helped other people do projects that required a certain amount of paper and paperwork.... now...nothing... eerything stops when the circle of life starts turning and doesnt stop...and thanks to the situation at the ports we are not bringing in any products so we can not bill any products so we can not collect money on any products so who is supposed to pay the IT to go fix these machines?  Circle of Life...

I know there are worse things going on in the world today so I refuse to say that the last nearly two weeks has been devastating but you know what...  to us in our situtation in our shoes it certainly felt devastating... our music hard drive fell to a harsh death on a tile floor and the data can not be recovered... the new car suffered at the wrath of an unrelenting pothole that required a completely new tire... the car i drove to work instead had maintance required lights a go-go...  so i basically SHAT 900 bucks what with planned and unplanned doctor visits and car shite.  Wonderful.  Our tax refund is already on its way and we cant help but redefine its parameters.  The jump it will give our savings account is very much welcome.  Everytime i look at the now much lower balance due to inclimate weather i throw up in my mouth a little...everytime.

Just now i went and checked to make sure...yep..still vomit worthy.

But hey, not a lot of people can say "I had a problem and I handled it right away," right? Right. 

But it would be nice if Thing 1 had told us right away she thought she broke her wrists so we could get her into her dr right away and that xrays could have been taken right away...instead of drawing this out for 10 days...  a blue cast on the left arm later and we are half way to healing.  Seeing your kid in a cast is not something I recommend, for the record. 

The house is as "together" as its going to be for right now.  Not that money is the issue, i decided when it comes to the house, screw it and write the checks...no its the discombobulation that comes with having the house upside down.  I dont like that. The kids arent fans and neither is the mister.  So we are waiting on further house To Do Lists.

I have mentioned before we do not do Valentines Day and with Thing 1 getting older is more and more apparent that she notices this trend.  We decided that we are going to make Valentines Day family day.  So now, there will be a bad ass home cooked meal and baked goodies of the red heart persuasion and maybe a stuffed animal and stickers for the kiddies.  Thing 1 likes the stuff...she likes the ambiance of the hearts and cupids.  And although she understands after explaination that her dad and I dont need one day a year to show our love and appreciation, doesnt mean that there arent some cute things to be had during that one time a year.

Chugging along with my Goodreads and my cross stitch..  So glad my cousin lit that fire for me again.  Hers are those dirty double entenďras kinds of cross stitching whereas mine are slightly more tame, but its a nice break from crochet which I also am still doing.  I blame the tablet for the poor grammar due entirely to the fact that I am not used to this tiny keyboard yet.  I have been eye balling a slightly larger and much more capabel tablet as of late, but seein as how devastating our week was and the end of last year I will probably wait on that for awhile later.

Choni has some great ideas to expand his production business and might start focusing on his you tube channel.  The stadium just picked him up for another year and with the weather we are experiencing here right now it is a wonder why I cant just up and go to a ball game tomorrow!  Seriously, I now the East is buried in snow, but its equally unnatural to be out on a beautifully sunny day and theres no baseball to speak of...none... zero.  Its sad. I hate it.  Im sure we'll find ways to fill our time, though.

Anyhoo, thats all from this end.  With all the Choni storyboarding his new project there hasnt been much Dream Casting talk lately which is a little sad when I think about it, but when I think about his project he is working on I love it.  He is so excited about it and the excitement is so contagious that even though we had a shitty week I still dont really feel that bad.

I wonder though if what I do feel is residual... or maybe thats not the right word.  Maybe obligatory...because when bad shit happens we are groomed to feel shitty about it... but you know what?  I am really tired of feeling shitty.  I am.  I wanted to cry and get mad over Thing 1s arm(s)...but in the same breathe I was thinking how tired I am of feeling shitty...so heres to not feeling shitty and just getting over stuff that you have zero control over and rolling with the punches ever so slightly more than before.  Work is crazy insane and my time is getting more and more eaten up life things...  and again... I notice,, but Im not upset.

But I am a litte and I have to ask myself am I upset out of obligation or am i truly upset about it?  Sometimes it feels like if I dont get upset about not blogging, does that make me flakey to be so flippant about something I started and am not finishing?  But there is no FINISH, there is just END.  One day I will end this when I feel like, when it is time to move on...and the reason i do it is because I have a voice that is hard to be heard when I am in an office 9 hours a day and on the road an hour and a half a day and with my kids three hours and then dedicating the remaining hour to my sweet darling mr. Other half...  I tried writing for myself again, but it hurts my hands SOmuch more than actually typing things out...and my brain has an issue with typing things and not sending them into the void... so one day i will get over all my crazy and do something else.. 

And if any of that made sense, you might want to see a psychiatrist...  not that I would know anything about that...

Happy Thursday and have a pleasant tomorrow...

"Broken" Home For The Holidays...

I feel like our house had a major surgery... piece by piece, scar by scar, laughter begetting more laughter... we are becoming WHOLE again...

Christmas was good to us, in the sense that we had one...

However, my 2014 would not be complete without a sickness for my planned vacation...

Oh ye gods!  Thank you!

I call bullshit... every time we have tried to plan time together for any length of time I get something wrong with me...  Sick, ill, call it what you will... it sucks.  I did get through the entire SERIES of How I Met Your Mother...  Ithankyou...

It was, in fact, legen-wait-for-it...DARY!

I have been yelled at for years about not watching the show, and now I can tell you all to suck it cause I watched it, it was wonderful, and now we're moving on to other things...because not only does it now remind me of the great flood/renovation of 2014, it reminds me of how I was sick on Christmas, AGAIN...

You know, sometimes, change is a really good thing folks.

We had our company christmas party and might I say, it was great.  I was just great to sit in the front Lobby, phones off... but ringing that initial ring that takes them to voicemail in such a way that you would swear it was Howie chiming in... "That could be an order!", he would say if he were here...  and he was...

We had a great weekend considering... we had a nice night Friday the 19th, Saturday was nice, Sunday was Christmas with Gma and it was lovely... Then I woke up Monday to the ever dreaded sore throat/swollen glands... I felt feverish and chilled... I went down drastically in a matter of hours and had to go home.  Tuesday, stayed home and went to the dr.  Got two doses of anti-viral in me and went to work Wednesday for our ever appreciated and fantastic half day for Christmas Eve, went home and we had a Turkey dinner!  Our first ever Turkey Dinner for our family on Christmas Eve when it was JUST US FOUR!  Actually, come to think of it, it was our first ever dinner on Christmas Eve with just me n Choni.  It's always been Christmas Eve at the In Laws, Christmas Day at my Ma's...  Funny... talk about breaking free from tradition, that was holding strong 14 years!  Hah!

Anyhoo, woke up Christmas Day after the neighbors decided to party ALL NIGHT...  and into some of the morning... Until I picked up my handy phone with the handy list of contacts...one in particular being our County Sheriffs... Yeah!  I'm THAT CHICK! SO WHAT!!  I'm ALL FOR parties man, and I know Christmas Eve is a biggie for some people... BUT REALLY?!?  3AM!!!  And I don't mean the song!  I shut that fucker down@!@#%#$@%$#@

Christmas Day I woke up sicker...  I stayed on the couch while the kids ripped open their second batch of gifts, I saw awe and wonderment in what was probably the "smallest" Christmas ever and I felt great afterwards (emotionally).  We got up our things together and made the trek to Noni's for third Christmas and had another great time, more yummy food stuffs and we even got to take some home :)  My sis and bro in law and their (combined) 4 childrens were there, a houseful of kids.  What my Ma always wanted!  As the day went on, I was feeling less awesome.

I woke up Friday to the ickiest of ickinesses and I called my dr's office.  Told them how I was feeling and what was new and was gone and they called me in a Rx.  I then proceeded to have a couch bound Christmas break/ New Year's.  I STILL don't feel 100%.

I feel like I need to sleep a few more days.  I over do it the second I feel well.  That's a big problem for me.  But I can't help it, I feel like such a slug when I'm sick!!  I hate that feeling... that there are things to do and I'm not doing them.

But here we are, new year, new gear.  I am thinking that I am much more accepting already of the new year than ever.  I wanted to be done with 2014 so badly.  Generally there is a time frame that I go through where things need to be gotten used...  Happy to report, writing out that 2015 comes much more naturally than any year ever!  2015...FLOWS LIKE A RIVER FROM MY PENS!!  Wonderful...  I had a busy busy busy super busy Monday and today was much more doable... I had much more coffee too, so I'm sure that had NOTHING to do with it!  hehe...

Well, it's that time kids...gotta warsh out my mug and make the trip to the loo before my long trip home...  I need to write a note to myself to tell you about the great Purge... no not that mediocre movie...  we did our own purging during the great renovation and it felt great!  Loved it!

Spoke Too Soon Too Much Too Fast...Or How We Came To Realize That We Had No Idea What We Were Doing With A House......

Something about our little part of California that most people don't realize is that its got green yards and evergreens PLANTED INTO MAN MADE YARDS AND GARDENS.... it's a fuckin desert...

  Its like Peter Pan Syndrome for our region... Southern California is a man that doesn't want to realize or accept the fact that its getting old so it buys a Ferrari by way of planting and over watering grass in a desert climate that needs succulents and desert indigenous landscaping. 

If that even makes any sense.

Our house was previously owned by geniuses...rocket scientists disguised as homeowners...  And of course, the bank we bought our house from couldn't wait to get this thing off their hands either...then comes us...apartment dwelling for so long we forgot what it was like to be in a house...  one reared by a father ringing the bell of Work Smart Not Hard all day long and the other with no Mr Fix It in their life at all...We had no idea that the backyard was graded too high...that the dog run was put in wrong...that everything about it would kick us in the ass one day...

And it did...HARD...

 

Three weeks before Christmas, in a tiny Who House, we are forced to take 400 sq feet of belongings and shove them into the remaining 800 sq feet of house that did not receive rain damage.  I can see how a renovation can tear and strain relationships...  ours is doing just fine because my husband is amazing...  our family has been wonderful as far as my mother offering sanity via venting and ranting and my mother in law still having rooms set up for us to stay the night.  Thing 2 has been wonderful as well due entirely to her ability to sleep comfortably in the pack n play as long as her trusty boppy lay beneath her and her build a bear Hello Kitty is by her side... 

Still...  there is an amount of guilt...there is the thought that I could have single handedly prevented this in so many (albeit unforeseen) ways... because someone always knows more or knows better or can do better than me... than us...  and that's fine... but still.  I'm not going to ridiculously pretend like its not actually passing through my mind every other minute.  Coworkers and friends are to our rescue as well and I feel like the chunk out of our savings is not as big as it SHOULD be due to us not being covered for this particular instance under our homeowners insurance...lame.

Living room camping on our pull out couch is what we have been doing... Monday(today) our dry wall gets put back on and hopefully our vanities will get put back on and we can take showers here again...  I am a lot calmer than I was,yet still not completely calm... fantastically we are still a family and still together and still breathing so that's nice....  

My hubby stepped up amazingly fantastically superbly and dug a huge nasty "French drain" in the side of the house and started leveling it out.  Then CoWorker Husband #1 came over and checked out our house and the temporary drainage ditch. Yes we need a permanent one, but the temp one will hold just fine until then.

No we're "There"... over there, by all those people investing into their houses...that's us.  That's our spot in life right now... at the same time as trying to be US we have to be "homeowners" too...  it's a tough juggle when you buy what you can afford.  It was either this or stay apartment dwellers for quite a while longer, and LORD KNOWS where we'd be if we did.  I actually don't want to think about it..  Because as clean and easy and glorious as that sounds, that's not us...Not anymore...it's universes, galaxies away from us. You never go forward by going backward, I truly believe that... so I'm going to apply that same logic to this right here...

Meanwhile:

EVERYTHING ELSE IS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!

I mean that... work...wow, we just got a great update at work about how well we're doing... We were sailing in yachts, then we had to downgrade to dingys, then we were drowning... in scuba gear with oxygen at 1% and boom, we were back in dingys,  And there we've stayed because of the recession... Fine...  But now, now we're profiting again in ways that make us have numbers in line for our 1st quarter already and I can't tell you how exciting that is, especially when we have a nay sayer walking around like a god and everything out of their mouth is "Peril!" "Plight!" and I can't take it anymore...so the op's manager sent out a little email from his corner of the universe and it made my day...  Little things keep happening that make things great and I'm so happy... but isn't true...when one facet of your life is picking up steam another falls fantastically to pieces...  Amazing how true that really is.  Anyhoo, that's all from this end...  hopefully.  I just want to go home tonight and have walls.  I never realized how accustomed to our little lifestyle I was until I woke up one day and it was gone... 

Basically I Feel Like This...All The Time...

I wanted to write something about how I like to write a lot of somethings...and that no it doesn't always come out interesting our coherent, because I don't always think that way...Some of the best inside jokes I have with Choni are completely uninteresting and incoherent...and then I read this...and this is so much...me.  Right now.

Moles and Trolls...

Work work work...

Oh what it is to be with a man with a strong work ethic.

Something my Ex Step Monster never appreciated.

My Ex Monster in Law (Bitchie Valens) decided that he would call in sick when it suited him or when he was too hung over to go in, or if in rarer occasion was STILL drunk from the previous night's escapades...  always a good time finding out which one.  Yet, HE never got the SHIT from the ESM that Choni did for working on days that we had family functions... I mean, really?  Which is the lesser of  the two evils?  I didn't mind lending him out to the retail world because I knew I got him every other day of the year...  everyday is family day, the holidays just make it more special in our house.  But really, EVERYDAY should be family...but anyways, that's neither here nor there.

That being said:  He still has a strong work ethic.  Our house is very kept and our lives are well oiled machines because of our co-working.  He works hard on our kids and to make sure everyone is taken care of...so do I... we are just as much an in-love couple as coworkers in the company of the household.  Fantastic... it took Choni a while to realize that he had a passion and had a dream and he wanted to make sure he knew what that was before saddling himself with another job.  We were somewhere and someone asked him what he did.  Without pause he said he was a videographer.  Just so matter of factly that I think it dawned on him then that he IS a videographer.  That is his profession, his passion, obsession...  Since then, everything he looks for in an off season job requires him to be behind a camera.  He did a wedding and it was beautiful.  He KILLED it... they all cried when they saw the video he put together and he even got a bonus at the end... yay him.  THEN he gets on line and trolls for more jobs and finds one filming a 3 day national sporting event...ON Thanksgiving, but that's what Pyrex is for.  Leftovers.  No, he will not physically be with us, but he is doing this for us as much as himself... maybe a few percent less actually.  It's very important for my hubby to LOVE what he does.  He's a very emotional person.  I accept that as one of the things I love about him as much as something we work around.  But that's love...that's marriage.  I want to work around it.  I am fantastic at it, nobody can work that emotional thread like I can, because I am his wife.  I know him better than anyone including his own mother.. including himself at times.  And that's why when I saw we could afford for him not work, I chose to discuss with him staying home with the bebes, than run him out of the house for some soul sucking fakakta job.

I honestly can't wait for him to come home and tell me all about it!  Actually, that's not what's going to happen.  The even starts tomorrow (Thanksgiving) and goes on til Saturday.  On top of that, it starts at 5am the first day, 6am the second day and 7am the third day (an hour drive to get there, so he's gotta get up at 430 on the first day and an hour later each proceeding day) and lasts about 12 hours or so.  He'll have intermittent breaks and they pay for food.  I won't really be hearing about it until Sunday morning more like... but that's ok.  The wedding went swimmingly, this will also go great and hopefully his boss has some more off season jobs to include him in to keep him AND the sports relevant in the off season!  It's a very exciting time for us to be in our particular job positions right now.  They are bringing commuter trains to our area, when that is finished, it will open his job opportunities even more!  Very exciting time...  Hopefully he'll be able to shoot a few extras to bring home and show us his work.  If this event does well, maybe he'll get some kind of automatic flag put on his name for call backs, kind of like it is at the stadium for him now. Seeing someone you love doing something they love for a living is priceless....

Mulligan...

Generally, I don't find myself being one to use golf terms... but... 

Last weekend, NOT the best weekend.  Not that anyone died, or went bankrupt, or anything... maybe something INSIDE them died, and maybe someone went EMOTIONALLY bankrupt...  again...  NOT the best weekend.  

And even though the disturbing and upsetting events didn't necessarily happen to ME or Choni, they affected (infected) our family unit just the same. ... Because we care dammit!

Choni's got some upsetting news about his friend...that made him blah.

We went for a visit with my mother-in-law on saturday and basically dropped Thing 1 off with her to spend the night...and then Sunday was a blah day... the kind of day where you have a list of things to do...and there's 5 day things to do...and all 5 of those things don't go either A)The way they were supposed to B)The way you atleast hoped they would C)Didn't go at ALL.

Bummer...

But it wasn't my list it was my mom's, but I was there as one thing after another did NOT get checked off on a day that was already sucking for her.  

Bummer...

Big.Fat.Bummer.

So, Monday, we awoke, getting ready for the first after the time change, which also leaves everyone in a state of blah.  The morning became dark again.  That does not help my family of four get jazzed for the mornings...  We were late getting up and getting out of the house... the next day we were less late...the next day we were on time, this morning, we were early.  Yay us.  It only took us 4 days to get this down...

But Monday when we got up, and the maddening tornado of "Move! I'm late!" started...and in between the lines we knew... we knew our weekend pretty much sucked... it did... it sucked... I wanted a do-over... I think we deserve it. The way things have been on a bit of an upswing for us and we've doing our due diligence as good adults and grown ups and members of society...  we deserve a good weekend... a weekend full of good, positive, awesome vibes... 

Not to put the pressure on , but we will get what we want!!  Ha-haaa!

The plans for this weekend are starting to come together into something that one way or another, we will get things checked off our list, kids will be happy and we will go to sleep exhausted and fulfilled...one way or another.

That being said: a little catch up-

Thing 1 does not require a parent/teacher conference for the spring (as usual) and I am happy about that!  Thing 2 is talking her gibberish that gets more understandable each day.  She says SO many things, yet it is total gibberish... A few words are clear as day.  You can tell she wants to learn the words so badly and wants to communicate... One day, just like her sister, she'll be three years old, and Daddy and I will be on the cusp of a nervous breakdown from people telling us "She should be talking by now, my *insert toddler relative here* is just talking up a clear, concise, articulate storm of diction!" and then BOOM!  Fully blown conversations will erupt over night.  We're not worried, it's fine.

Thing 1 goes to an after school program and when she gets there, she is assigned a "teacher" and a "class room".  It's held at her school, so there's no transporting needed and she's already in a place she is familiar.  The staff is brought it in just for the after school program and if something happens with your child, these people will pull aside to talk to you.  That's never happened to me yet, and I always see the staff talking to the parents and telling them that their kid got a warning, or is on a second warning, or that they have had enough warnings that they will be considering dropping them from the program... always negative... never positive.  When I walked up to the room to get her the other day, a woman in a blue shirt rushed out the door to meet me and asked if I was Thing 1's mom... 

ME:  Uhm... yeah?

Miss B: OH Great! I'm Miss Brandy!  I just LOVE having her in my class.  She's a good reader.  I mean, she reads VERY well..?  **because it was almost a question...

ME:  Yes, she really does. She reads all the time.  I've read to her since she was very little and I read a lot, so she sees me do it and wants to be like Mommy, you know.

Miss B:  She puts inflection and voices into the reading out loud that we do in class, it just amazes me.  I just love her, she's so sweet!

ME: Yes, she really is.

Miss B: Well, it was GREAT to meet you finally!  I hear so many good things from her about her mom and dad and little sister!

ME: **Trying NOT to hide the shock and awe* Good to meet you, too, thanks!

See what I mean?  Things trod along just fine, and then a weekend of extreme less than mediocrity comes and bites us in the ass...and this after I spent a FULL week in bed with some such YUCKINESS i care NOT to ever repeat in my life and then another week of getting over that while trying to function at work and catch up...this week is REALLY the catch up week... 

I got my lens in the mail and all my fun purchases I made with the tax return...not able to enjoy it at all for about a week due to illness...it's like someone getting something you can't have, but you know you can in a few days or a week, but you STILL can't have it right now and that just sucks... First world problems right?  I know... sad but true... My new lens rocks!!  It's a Tamron, my lil cuz says it's the Civic of lenses... sweetness.  And I hate to admit how much of a different it really makes.  Cause it does...and I hate that because it makes something so expensive so necessary.

Daddy is looking at lighting and backgrounds systems that we can both use.  Funny how this is never how we intended to end up...a still and video photographer living under one roof**smiley face**

Ok, well that's enough from this end...  I just felt like we had SUCH A BLAH WEEKEND!!  MULLIGAN!!!!!

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer...

I have no idea what to do with this...

She's doing exactly what you think she is doing...

Plié...using Noni's end table as a Barre...

I got a girlie girl supreme...  Tutus and dresses and barrettes that cover her entire head like a crown are my life for the FIRST time in my whole life.  Thing 1 was not this way.  She patronized her grandmother with the fufu dresses, the gloves, the ruffle socks, the ribbons in the hair with every color in them coordinating with her exact ensemble...

But YOU had to do it... YOU had to ask her if she wanted it, if she wanted to wear the fufu... and usually she said no..It became one of those things where she would say, "But that's what I wear at grandma's, that's not for home."

Damn...

That doesn't mean, though, that this Tomboy doesn't have a few tricks up her sleeves... I have a way that we can have our cake and eat it too... Thing 2 likes frilly dresses and grabs them with gusto to get dressed in the morning...Like this...

Oy vey...how was I supposed to leave this today?  It's not easy, I tell ya.

I can't believe I actually found a cute little ruffly tutu legging combo thing in the clearance rack at Target for $6...  HAD to get that for my girlie girl... Thing 1... well, she's 8 1/2 going on 30... so she's fine with her Kindle books. 

My baby is not a baby, I have a toddler.  NO matter how we slice it, she's a big girl now...  She has her specificities with things, she's not much for words, but that doesn't mean she's not paying attention to everything you're doing at any given time.  Because SHE IS!  I have slowly started the move from silicone sippy cups to hard plastic sippy and with everything else so far she is making the change like a trooper...maybe I"M not the one ready for her to leave the crib behind, but I love the replacement crib I got her and she loves it, too.  There are some things that will need to go on in the not too distant future as far as making a large bedroom fit for two girls of such different ages... but not right this very second.  I'm enjoying this stage, drinking in the last drink before I quit cold turkey in the morning, so to speak.

Last baby, and we're done... No mas bebes... and it's sad.  It is, even the mister said it was sad...but then he gets all logical on me and rational about how there are so many firsts we have to look forward to and that's what she be focusing on...damn him... and his perfectly reasonable logic.

We are still toting a stroller everywhere, because I would rather push a stroller than pull a toddler.  She gets plenty of running around time in the backyard these days.  Especially with this bullshit, crazy ass weather... I'm already considering bathing suits for these two.

We'll be dusting off and pulling out the ol' potty trainer soon too...but I think we'll wait a little while longer before that trauma begins... Not gonna lie... I'll probably bawl my eyes out when I pull the last diaper out of the diaper box...  good thing those bad boys are so absorbent...

And On The 13th Day...

Good Monday... Good Morning... however you prefer... I prefer whichever way works the best!

We have had quite a beginning of the year...And all in good ways!  One of my cousins on my dad's side, which is a very small side, they're the Rhode Island of families, recently moved two towns away from me if you're counting from my house.  SAME town if you're counting from work.  Yay!!  I get to see her more!  She  moved in with her mum, my Pop's little sister, and I might get to see her more too.  She's a Hermit Crab.  Not just a Hermit, a Hermit CRAB...  She's rad and we love her, but she can be a bit of a crabapple.  4 years in the same town as my work and I have yet to see her due to that fact.  Saw her twice, once at a wedding in Pismo Beach of all places and once at my baby shower for Thing 2.  That was a surprise!!!  It was the best surprise of the day, really.  She took Pop's death really hard and she's one of those people that doesn't want to be reminded of the negative, even if it means staying away from the negative's children.  Hopefully a trend to be changing in the not too distant future... I'm leaning towards Saturday! 

I am still rolling with the changes, REO Speedwagon style, as to having a child born in January...  Atleast it's at the polar end of Christmas and New Years, but still...January.  I have decided to make it less stress and I am now not including the month of January in my yearly budget.  January is a free for all...The "year" will start with my January 31st check, not with my December 31st check as previous years sans Thing 2.  Once I decided on that, my whole outlook on this month was A-Number 1-100%-OK.  Yay!  Nothing extravagant for her bday this year.  Just an intimate family party with some cake, some pizza.  You know, health food.  I'm excited though just the same because it means we have managed to keep the tiny human safe and sound for two whole years.  It's as much a celebration of the day of her birth as it is of every day since... I am a proud mama of this little one and of our family as a whole!  Yay us!

We got our W-2's at work today...You know what that means...the tax man waits for no one...  I get to start my orange tri-cut folder of 2013 tax info.  My tax lady loves me for this, by the way... she LOVES me for this.  I have two more W-2's, the mortgage company info for the house, the bank statement year ends and my 401k stuff to throw in and we're getting our taxes done! YAY!  I know, shut up, I like YAY... it works for me right now. 

I have the taxes all tangled up already and I'm fine with the outcome so far.  I am VERY fine with the fact that the lens that was suggested to me by my lil cuz is coming down in price as we speak.  I love the Amazon Wish List, it's one of my favourite things.  Then there's the whole Flash debacle.  I have been putting off getting a flash for my DSLR since I bought my very FIRST one.  I have a flash for a SLR, and I LOVE it... nothing special, but it's fancy enough for me.  I am not a true dyed in the wool photog, though... so I am not comfortable using the 35mm that was once my gpa's anymore...So it's time to walk away from the past and make the push into the new millennia...14 years after it started, but still...shut up.  I am DYING to get the lens and flash because now that the prices have dropped SO significantly I feel super justified in the purchases.  Then there's the struts for our civic, still need to do that...  we are getting our new phones, and now there is a new deal through TMobile that I am wondering if we should check out.  Getting these phones is going to be just as if not more harrowing than getting our house.  But that's how I roll and that is one of the reasons my hunny loves me!

Wednesday I have taken a personal day to stay within the vicinity of my home and await the arrival of my Pop's elder sister to come into town from several states away with my Uncle and their RV... I LOVE that I get to see them too!  I have gotten to see her a lot I'd say... for someone that lives STATES away.  I LOVE seeing the side of the family that completes my puzzle.  That's what Choners says.  He kinda gets where I fit in with Ma's family...but when we're around Pop's family it's like a game show buzzer going off in his head and it's lovely.

Another reason for us to write off January as a loss, other than Thing 2's bday, this year my favorite bookstore in town is closing it's doors.  They couldn't brave the slow paced sMall that they reside in and have to make a decision.  I have been a patron of the store since day one and will miss them so.  They had GREAT discounts when there were discounts, and it's even better with 75% off the lowest price.  I got THREE bags of books for $24.  And there's something in there for ALL of us!  It was so bittersweet...  So many empty stores in our sMall.  Atleast during Halloween they put one of those atrocious Costume City things in there and it beefs up the traffic something wonderful... I loved how artificially busy it was Saturday with the closing sale. People came out of the woodwork.  Aaahh, small towns...

We still don't know what we're doing for the Big 10...  and we also made another financial decision.  To cancel our New York trip next year so I can get LASIK... I am just about Legally Blind and I am a candidate and Ma works in Optometry and can get me a deal...but with the things we have going on this year, I would really like to get my eyes done next year.  I almost bit the bullet and did it this year, but it would cut too heavily into our, lets say, profit margin...Still not sure how to incorporate photos into the blog to make it interesting... so I'm considering that heavily and hopefully that will improve with the new upgrades to ol' Betsy.  Other than that, everything's good.  Rolling along at work... I need to get in for a trim, keeping the short 'do... 

First Pic...

Having fun with the 'do...

These are my wascally wabbits...

 

And one of them will be two :*(

 

 

Two days....

Two Years!!!

 

and always with the squishy face!!

On The 6th Day...

Not only would I NEVER believe it was January, I would never believe it was winter, I would never believe that 2013 was only 6 days away...

I would swear that it was, in itself, a WHOLE YEAR away.

Recap:

Christmas was wonderful...  minus the SICK... the ungodly sick that we all experienced... starting with the Wee One and working it's horrid way up...  Daddy took the longest to recover, but alas, it happened and we were staring The New Year straight in the face.  We had our usual NYE.  Kids in bed early because the big one tries to stay up and can't, Martinelli's chillin until the ball drops and BOOM...  a good time for all :)

***took a break and came back the next morning, started the post at 4:30pm on 1/6/14... wrapping it up morning of 1/07***

 It was a modest Christmas this year, and I think it was better for it.  Thing 1 got games and Hello Kitty stuff and Thing 2 got her first trike.  I got some bad ass books that I can't WAIT to read, because I gotta say...  as much as I wanted to go back to the Stephen King Library at home and re-read, I AM refreshed that after 13 years together, the Mister is still providing new and exciting literature!  I can't be upset at that... like, at all.  I had some nice time off with the family, even though we were sick up to our eyeballs and I still have a lingering cold/allergy thing going on... but hey, it didn't stop us from the important thing; spending time together.

My lil sis's 13th birthday celebration extraordinaire was just a dinner at her favorite (right now) restaurant, yummy food and I got to spend a whole HALF of the dinner with her because Thing 2 didn't get her naps in and that was the end of that. 

Speaking of sleepy Thing 2...  she got a new bed.  Courtesy of a recall and that she BROKE her bed due to the problem of the recall before I could address the issue... plus that crib is SUPER old anyways.  I promised I would order the new one after the New Year... January 2nd, I ordered that bad ass bitch and it already came to the house!!  It came to the house yesterday and when I got home last night daddy had it all put together!  Then he spouted off about extra pieces...those would be for the Toddler bed conversion.  I can't believe the deal I got, I was so excited...  I felt awesome about the purchase because we were UP on our budget this year!!! WTF?!?!  I know !!!  It was exactly the amount of the bed and well, who can have a new bed without new bedding??  Nobody!!  That's HOO!  Hehe... yep, owl bedding.. it happened...  It's super cute, it's girly without drowning in pink and I LOVE it, and I found a good deal on the set...so the bedding + the bed = our "profit" from our budget.  I was so excited.  I couldn't believe it.  Nothing like starting the year on a total up note right?

Other than the plans I made for our tax return, there really aren't any HUGE decisions on the horizon, which means something unexpected is probably going to happen.  So super saving McScrooger time is back in effect immediately.  I might need a hair trim, other than that though, not really planning on anything for myself.  I can't WAIT to get that tax return though.  Not gonna lie.  I have my lens to look forward to, the car needs struts (that's a duh with the miles on it and how old it is and that I haven't done them before), we're getting new phones!!!, and we are doing something super extra special for our 10 year wedding anniversary!!!  I wanted to do something special and surprise the mister, I feel he really deserves a surprise...but then I started thinking and the thinking got out of hand and then there was a WHOLE list of things to choose from!!  I didn't know which one would be best, I wouldn't want to get back from the trip and say," Oh you liked that?  Yeah, well, it was between this, and this...and this and this and this and this..." and I wouldn't want him to sit there and think that there was a better possibility out there and I picked whatever it was I picked and why did I do that and OMG OMGOMG!!!...  so I brought him in on it...and it was so freaking cute too... so now we are mulling over three major possibilities, but I DO believe it's swinging one way..  A weekend Disneyland Resort getaway with a two park hopper :)  We haven't done Disneyland in FOREVER!!!  And NO...we are not taking the kids...and NO ... I do NOT feel badly about that decision...  AT ALL.  We already promised ourselves we would take them when Thing 2 is older.  That makes the most sense...  We took Thing 1 when she was 2 and some months...it was magical.  Thing 2...is not magical.  So, I say... we wait to take the kiddos...  But then again, I don't know that we're doing that... we'll see.  We have... uhm... three months or something like that to figure it out.. Less than that actually...  two months to cell phones, three months to anniversary.

Also, the first time we'll be away from both kids for time to ourselves EVER...  We've not done this before.  We've been there for the kids...and I think that this particular event calls for some Mommy/Daddy time, don't you?  Me too!! 

There's THAT....

It doesn't feel like the 7th day of January today... Yesterday didn't feel like the 6th day... and today doesn't feel like the 7th... It.just.doesn't.  It's SUPER hot here.  The rest of the country is experiencing this Polar Vortex thingy... Not here... Not us... Of course.  I wanted it to be damned COLD!  I wanted the cold, I wanted to see snow this year and we were well on our way with the coldest autumn in our history and record breaking lows in November...but alas... no... dammit.  And it doesn't look like we're going to see any cold ever... I don't see where we are... Unless the Spring stays cold... which would be nice.

My tape player in my car died again, which brings the question...do you replace the radio on a 12 year old car with 217k on it?  Even if it runs like new?  Yeah, we'll be pondering that for sure.

Crafting a lot already...  getting down the list of Christmas gifts... uhm..yeah... 

I feel this is the catch up necessary to bring us to the New Year.  I am excited about this year, last year wasn't great.  It by far was not the worst... but...it was... underwhelming.  New year, new rules... new rules to have a great year!  Thing 2 turns 2 and I think it's going to be a small affair due to the fact that I don't want to start the year off with no saving ;)  And she's 2.. come on... she still wasn't all that into Christmas... we had to open her gifts for her, mostly and then she just wanted us to get on with the opening of the actual gift itself.  She had no concept that there was MORE... so... with her bday... we're going small this year.  Maybe something next year, but even so, probably NOT.  And you know what sucks, this year would be great for us to finally host a party at our house even in the winter... it's NOT COLD!  Oh well...  Still loving my short-ass hair cut... LOVE.IT.  Ok, well, I think that's all the damage I can do for now.  Also, we now have Netflix... we have internet and we have Netflix.  We are no longer cavemen... write that down...

When in Doubt, Back To The Drawing Board...

I have been saying that ALOT lately...

Back to the drawing board...and of course, I say it in my head in the fashion of Wyle E. Coyote... Cause it's funny...

I got a book from my Guria for my birthday...and with that book (cause she knows me) was another book... blank pages of an unwritten confession..so she says... and she's not wrong.  I miss it.  I do.  I miss my daily entries... and I told myself, I would return to them when I was ready. My hiatus is nearly to an end.  My carpel tunnel, however...is not...thank Jebus for wrist supports...

I almost gave into a version of myself that takes up about 4% real estate of my brain...  that version of myself thinks that they can take a Smash journal and use it over a nice long span of time...  when in reality, the MOST of my brain would probably finish that damn thing in a week...  or less...  less is more likely...

Fuck me... even typing hurts now...and since I can't win...I'm just going to go back to writing...

After being in Michaels and seeing all those beautiful journals in all their various allowance glory... I realized something...I had it down... I had it down to my personality already.  I didn't need glitz, and tabs, and stickers, (well maybe stickers) and labels and shit... basically a scrapbook...  I don't like scrapbooks... I find myself taking them too seriously...and then they don't get finished...or they DO get finished, but then they mean as much to me as that paper I wrote three hours before it was due, receiving a mediocrely deserved A- in the process...

I was crocheting yet ANOTHER late entry into my Christmas list of giving, dug deep to fish a pencil out of my awesome Owl Tote Ma got me as a early Christmas-present-just-cause-I-got-a-killer-ass-deal-at-Old-navy kind of thing...  I found the pencil..inside the awesome, blue embossed covered journal my Guria got me for my bday..still empty...and it didn't bother me that it was empty before...but it bothered me today...and just today I had all these things come up... with seeing the Smash journals at Hobby Lobby and then again at Michael's...had a chat about my bajillion journals at the foot of my closet...and then finding something I hadn't seen in 5 months... probably because I subconsciously hid it so I wouldn't feel it's eyes boring into the back of my skull...  So, since typing kills me anyways, and I think maybe some of my inspriations I had when I started doing this might come back to me in the process...I think it's time to end my hiatus from the journaling. It's too coincidental, don't you think?  I think so too... 

Speaking of back to the drawing board...I think I finally found a liquid homemade laundry soap that goes well with cold water recipe for us to try.  We are both on board with the experiment, and with a half bottle of brand soap to go, it's time to fish or cut bait... or insert your own decision making analogy here... 

On the list of DIY's...  No Poo...yes I know... I'm gonna try it.  I have a need for head n shoulders and I'm wondering if I perpetuate the need because of all the crap in the shampoo and conditioner ... so I'm gonna try the homemade stuff and see what happens.  It's winter, it's the perfect time to try it because I can wear hats during the Dirty Thirty Day trial period that I have been reassured is going to happen.  I have organic coconut oil at hand for dryness...  I'm excited to try this.  if it works for me and I can get it down to a science, I will be introducing it to Choners and the Things...  yay!!  Got to see my bestie from Sin City today and not for long enough... *sad face*...  but she'll never move back here and I'll NEVER EVER move my ass there...  so it's one of those things that I gotta get over... and I'm over it. Doesn't mean I can't be sad about it once it awhile, right? Right!  Christmas countdown is underweigh and for the slimness of the giving and receiving, it's gonna be an awesome Christmas. I can already feel it being one mostly of the reason of the season and less about the commercializing of the season...  wa-hoo. 

In a nutshell...feeling very "back to the drawing board"...but ... in the BEST way possible.  Super uber refreshing way possible...even Fallon and Timberlake are taking it back to the drawing board. I must be on to something... Next obsession on my list... my new camera lens.. My lil cuz is amazing and I'm DYING to get my lens. I might even get a flash...  with a dome diffuser...  but that's...another story...

♪Oh The Weather Outside Is Weather...♪

I have been crafting up a storm and the man has been baking cookies fresh for Thing 1's lunches... peanut butter oatmeal. Yum!  Cookies make the house warm and it smells like the holidays already!  Generally I am ALL about making room for Thanksgiving so it doesn't feel like the redheaded stepchild of the holiday season, but this year man, it just seems like we need the OOMPH into Christmas.  Luckily for me, I have never had decorations for Thanksgiving and the stores decided to lump Halloween and Thanksgiving together this year.  Amazingly enough, I now have Thanksgiving décor due to the storewide "fall" clearances that did the lumping together! Haha!

 Ma and her man are doing well...we like him.  He might be around for Thanksgiving... hope so... he's fun.  It's going to be a small Thanksgiving this year, much like Christmas.  I'm just glad I finished shopping already.  I get to sit back and enjoy now.  Generally, what we do is take the Friday after Thanksgiving to decorate like so many people I'm sure do.  This year, I'm jumping the gun...and get this...at the request of Choners...he is usually VERY adamant about giving Turkey Day it's due.  Well, this year, he wants his cake and he's going to eat it too... Next Monday, whether the big one goes to day care or not, we are doing our Christmas décor.  It's something to pass the time and we might have Knott's plans on Saturday... but until that is certain I don't want to make any plans in stone.  So I say, the general idea will be to get out the Christmas awesomeness for Monday... and if Thing 1 goes, she will come home to a winter wonderland in the house :)  Also, I am planning on lights outside this year! Shhh, don't tell Mister... 

This weekend is family weekend, we're gonna see a lot of his family :)  I say his family, but they're really OUR family...It's funny, I just wanted to specify WHICH side of the family, mine or his...  I could say The Brown side...  But really, that doesn't help... us Irish have been known to have the fever.  So both sides are relatively brown.. hehehe...

Tuesday is Christmas pictures... I have been saying, I want to make more image heavy posts, but I haven't yet.  I think because I don't plan them THAT far ahead... so it's hard to do.  Also, I love my camera.  I love it SO much I'm afraid to leave the house with it...  I know.. shut up...  I got a filter for it to protect the lens so perhaps I would feel better about letting it bang around my back pack...  wrapped in a scarf...  and maybe a sweater.

Next years tax return already has a portion dedicated to my new lens.  My cousin Ace is in "the business" and he helped me out HUGE on shopping around for my next lens purchase... And the more Choni is working on his film project the more I think he will probably want to use the Nikon for projects...  A new lens wouldn't hurt!  Ace said that my camera body and specs are great, I should be getting great results when I put the new lens on ...next year...

I am LOVING the weather...cold. I love cold.  Snuggles, soup, hot cocoa, coffee NOT for my morning commute... aaaahhhh... Blankets on the couches... I LOVE blankets...  kid snuggles...  and when the decorations go up...the soft warm glow of the tree...  oh yeah... that's the stuff....

Today is my last work day of November and I start my staycation... Thing 1 asked if I had any time off that overlapped HER time off...so I made some... cause sometimes, you just have to.  I hope this allergy/cold thing goes away... Maybe with a little help from my friends Alka Seltzer and Nyquil... 

Too bad there's not a way to make people leave comments... I want comments...

I'm Better at Stalking...

I have been keeping up with READING the blogs I follow... reciprocation has been more difficult...
This is what happens to US when the economy tanks and slowly comes back on line...and by slowly, I mean I don't think that there is an instrument that can measure the slowness... THAT's how slow...

I can be so busy I work through lunch one day, and the next day I can be completely dead and begging for work to do... I always have work to do, it's like home...when in doubt, clean.  Here it's the same basic principle... You just need to know what and where to clean.  Know that, and there will always be something to do.  Such is life, eh?  Yup, I think so, too. 

The past two months have been unreal busy...just as I said.  It's amazing, because the time I feel I have the most to say I am unable to say anything because I am sitting here with visions of V-Tech toys dancing through my head...  not really... My Christmas shopping is finished.  Just two things to pick up when they arrive at the store and I'm DONE.  Because Christmas is thin this year. 

I can't believe how quick it came up on us, and I say that every year, but I really mean it this year.  And I'll really mean it next year, and ten years from now.  I swear... I totally swear.. like... totally.

I have the dreaded second birthday coming up of Thing 2...and not just any second birthday, the last second birthday I will throw...so do I throw one? do I do something at home in the backyard?  Do I say "Hey Clan, who wants to meet us at (insert pizza place with games here) on such a day at such a time?" and see who shows up?  I have NO friggin clue... Not a single damned one... dammit...

So instead of freaking out about it, I'm just gonna leave it alone for now.  I have too many things.  My weekends are filling up fast and I am increasingly ecstatic about the fact I found the planner I did when I did.  Otherwise I'd have post it notes where plans should be and that would be a disaster... mentally more than anything else, but still...It would be there...bahaha...

Everyone's doing really well...Thing 1 is bringing us to a place where just when we think maybe she's not doing as well in school as we once thought, BOOM... nope, we get the great behavior report followed up by the awesome AR testing report and we put those worries to beddy-bye...

Thing 2... Jesus pleezus...  She's crazy.  I mean it, she's NUTS... she just runs around the house with her little blahblahblah language and talks to you like she's just having herself a conversation you never knew you were in the middle of.  Then there's the whole breaking the crib thing...she broke the crib...she is SO not ready for a bed yet, not even a toddler bed...she would be crawling up into Thing 1's bed and head butting her to instigate a playtime at midnight....so we are totally NOT doing this bed training thing yet...that being said, we are need of a new crib.  So I have my eye out on one that's atleast half what I paid for this one new...I don't need the mattress, just the crib...it's not safe for her to have it the way it is now and it really freaks me out...  no matter how many zip ties or nails or screws you use, there's always that mom gut thing that makes you think, FUCK THIS, I NEED A NEW ONE... and that mom gut is applied to so many things... I don't mess with the mom gut.

Speaking of mom guts, mine is pretty much gone ;)  I am down 10 pounds and I have another 10 before I get to where I was before thing 1 was a twinkle in our eyes...another 10 pounds after that and I'll be perfecto...right at the place I need to be period.the end.  So that's a nice sentiment.  And now my rings fall off....shit.

And to celebrate my awesome personal triumph, I cut my hair off...  pixie cuts are huge right now, and no it's never been my way to follow the herd (baaaa n shit) but my hurr... oy vay.

I highlighted it...fine...it was great...fine...I stopped the affordability on it...had to stop...fine...so I did...  and then I had bleached ends...meh.  I covered them with wash-out brown...fine...worked for a little while but it's still crunchy feeling... meh.

Stop the color, stop the bleach and the crunchy... cut the hair. Done... looks freakin sweet and I can't believe I didn't talk myself into this sooner.  As much as I feel that having long hair is something I owe the "bad hair" community, I am sorry all you thin stringy hair'd folk...but long hair thick hair is NOT awesome...Looks great, I'm not denying that fact... but it sucks to have it on your head, on your shoulders and then there's that whole "I Don't Like Things Hanging Off My Body" syndrome... haven't heard of it yet? really?  It's new...  I have it...with a vengeance.

Until they make a pill for that, I will not have a purse, a child, a scarf, hair, bags, whatnot hanging off my body at anytime.  This is why I don't let my kids pull on my person, I carry a backpack not a purse and why if I am carrying bags from the car to the house...of who am I kidding...if I can help it I NEVER CARRY BAGS FROM THE CAR TO THE HOUSE! Carpel tunnel and IDLTHOMB syndrome are why.

<END RANT>

<NEW RANT>

Unless I'm missing some mystical, cosmic, universal message...me n the significant other are awesome fantasticness... Ever have those friends that were like, in marital distress... and people were like, "Oh shit, are they gonna make it?"  Yeah, I had those too... friends...family... whoever...  Well, we haven't had that. Ever.  I just realized that the other day when I recently heard of a split.  Knew the couple fairly well... and BOOM... split.  It was a surprise to her, too, turns out.  Pretty sad when I think of it.  Made me think of me n Choners... and I came to that conclusion.  I don't know, makes me pretty proud to think of that.  I mean, no I don't have a BA in bullshit from FU...  but I take pride in my family...my marriage...Which is probably why we are in the 13th year of couple-dom and nearing the 11th anniversary of our engagement, and the 10th anniversary of marriage is next April...
I was thinking that we should do something special and when I mentioned it to the mister and said, We should do something for our anniversary next year (which we NEVER EVER do)" and he nods...and then he thinks...and then he says "Why next year?  What's so special about next year?"  And when I tell him it'll be TEN whole years...oh the look on his face...so adorable I could have just died....

I still look at that face and see the baby face I met when I was 19...  I was 22 (going on 23) when we got married.  I know plenty of people who were married younger than that...but ask me how many of them are STILL married??  Go ahead...ASK ME...  not much...

Not that I want to turn this into a bragging session, but I'll tell you what...My foot still hurts, I found out I have TMJ and the mouthguard is too expensive to buy right now so I go to bed with Motrin every other night...My allergies have been taking this opportunity of our weird weather to SHIT all over me and make me miserable and the TMJ is now causing tension headaches and tension in my neck and shoulders comes and goes... I am doing little exercises at my desk all day to curb this. My dentist basically told me my teeth are just BAD and if I want to continue eating food that I need to brush and floss after every meal and use a special rinse that helps decrease the dry mouth I have as a direct result of taking antihistamines which I cannot function without.

My point is this...  I take the things that are awesome and going RAD and focus on them 100% because there is enough SHIT to balance them out...Trust & believe...It's NOT ALL wine and roses...but when I sit back after doing shit ton of crap work and think about going home to my hunnies...  it makes things better... and it makes things better because my mister makes ME better... being a good mom to the kiddos makes me want to be a better person...and then sometimes kids are just assholes... They just are...and I think sometimes what you need to do is realize that, walk away, and pick up somewhere fresh in the morning.. That's what works for us so far! 

Yay!  Basically, balance.  Everything is... balanced... There's good to outweigh the bad and sometimes, the opposite is true.  To wrap it up (as if that's at all possible with me) my foot hurts, my jaw hurts, my mouth forever tastes of toothpaste and flavored floss and my husband is all kinds of MAD awesomeness...and I think I'll keep the kids, too.  Aloha.

Flash Sideways...

For when it's not really a Flash Back and it's certainly NOT a Flash Forward, cause then I'd be psychic... and a lotto winner.


Some things have been creeping around in the backs of brain...the corners of my mind if you will...

I was looking back at a time when we were apartment dwellers...

When we had a psycho land lady...

Mostly due to the "Hi, I'm your house, and now that you are here, I'm going to break on you muhfuckers!!" type stuff that we've had go on this summer.

Nothing we couldn't handle... just a lot of swipe-swipe-monies-gone.  Fine...

When I think about what we paid on rent, and what we paid to "fix" the problem(s)...  wow... I'm still in the pink... we are still better off...and that's amazing to me.  Between Homeowner's insurance, mortgage, PMI all rolled up into one beautiful payment versus what we would be paying for that space in rent... we win...  so far... but still.  We WIN!!!  hehe...  I had some serious doubts, some total almost OH my GAWD meltdowns about what had we done?  What had we gotten ourselves into?  First it was MY fault... cause I did this...cause I was all alone...right? Not really.  I have a silent silent partner... who sometimes seems like such a silent partner, you'd think he was second cousin to Harvey The Rabbit... not so...

We made the decision to jump in when the jumping was good...and we'll still come out on top in the end...but the END is so far away... and in the END it won't be US that really truly benefits, it'll be our kids... Our house is their security.. because it's what we can do for them...and in all this "Oh my gawd what did we get ourselves into?"  I remembered the who-what-where-when-why it all came about...
and I got sad...

I got a little sad cause we were so happy in our simple lives... one kid... one (and then two) car payment(s)....  and then there was carrying groceries up flights of stairs because Choni thought it would be best to go that route with the kid...an upstairs apartment is less likely to get broken into...fine.  I see that...

If I could have kept ANY apartment, I would have wanted to keep our first.  It was lovely. It was quaint and adorable, and we had fab neighbors... except of course for that ONE neighbor... you know the one...the one neighbor you have that you know their kid's names, not from KNOWING them, but from HEARING the mom SCREAM them across the apartment complex to come home for dinner and of course you know she talks on the phone on her patio at the top of her lungs so everyone can hear about her detest for her ex... awesome, right? Right. 

I miss that apartment because it was the first place we lived as a couple, an engaged couple, a married couple, and an expectant couple...that apartment had so many of our firsts...  SO many...  and I have so little pictures of it...and I have so little tangible memory of it...  but every time we pass we tell Thing 1, that's were WE started and she recognizes it...and now SHE says it... "That's it!  That's our first place!"  I'm going on the technicality of Thing 1 being a zygote but still knowing that was her first home...fine... then her first actual baby outside the belly home was grandma and grandpa's... 

So I remember the fun and I have fond memories, but we had some hard times also.

Here's the thing, as far as our relationship goes, me n mister are pretty damned solid especially for today's world.  Also there's the whole "Relationships are work".  I'm not going to say that relationships are easy, or that if they're good they're easy.  They're still work.  Don't ever let anyone tell you different.  But it's like this:

Relationships are work.  They're the kind of work you do at a job that you LOVE.  You eat-sleep the job, you can't wait to get there, and you are a little sad when you leave in the afternoon but you are immediately perked back up when you realize that you get to sleep, wake up and do it all over again...  aaawwww....

Then there's the bad relationship...The Relation-shit.  Relationshits are work at a job you fucking hate and can't wait to get fired or have the balls to quit, but you want to get fired so you can collect unemployment and if you quit, then it's your fault you have no job...and everyone pretty much wants/needs a job right?  Right...so Relationshits are jobs where you are sending your resume out on your work email cause you just.don't.give.a.fuck.

...I would like to add I am DAMN proud of that analogy...between my sister and my mom and their dating woes, I have managed to work out this here analogy between relationships and relationshits and how you know which one you're in...  DAMN proud of myself... and guess which one I have???

hehehe...

Anyways, where was I?  Oh yeah, Flash Sideways...  In remembering our past places, places of and in our past, I thought about what it must have looked like on the outside... I thought about our "times" we were having and sometimes I thought, wow, we were having a hard time, or wow, we had a down period... well, here's the thing.  We WERE...but it wasn't US.  What was happening was happening to US as a unit, not between the two of us.  Any true unhappiness I have been apart of since I've been coupled was caused by outside forces... we were always teamed up and ready to go.  So we had bummed out periods, but us, WE were good, solid.  We were better than okay.  But still, not bright and shiney unicorns shitting rainbows kinds of times going on...and we got through it as a unit...then I think of those times and Thing 1...and she was growing and learning during those times...she was eating on her own, she was potty training, she was speaking, thinking, learning. 

Now, we have another that is speaking, thinking, learning...  Not REALLY speaking, it's that "twin talk" that only we understand...but we hear it.  It's there. 

I say Flash Sideways because we are remembering what was going on when Thing 1 did the things that Thing 2 does...  oh yeah, the apartment, apartment 2 or apartment 1?  Well, if Thing 1 was born, obviously 2...oh yeah, I hated that place, the downstairs neighbors, the light in our bedroom window at night while we were TRYING to sleep, the THIS and the THAT...and then I wonder, were we EVER happy there?  And then psycho's house... were we EVER happy there?  And the wife part, were you unhappy with ME there?  So I bring up that Mister was unhappy when we were there...and he says yeah kinda..and we talk and realize...it wasn't with eachother we had these feelings and it was all about the place and the situation not being awesome and how we DID have to try EXTRA hard to enjoy ourselves because it's NOT fun to rent someone else's house or an apartment...

Buyer's remorse?  Maybe... but it comes in flashes and spurts like PTSD.  (or so I imagine of course, I wouldn't really know, but it's my closest analogy)

Buying the house always trumps NOT having bought the house...  I think what's happening is that so much time has passed since apartment 1 and 2 that I can look back now with fonder memories, and that's why this is so new to me.  So new to think "wow, we had a good time, why did we buy a house?" but it's all relative...it's time... time passes and we sometimes forget the negative...at least I have been known to do that a time or two.  I don't always WANT to remember the bad, especially if I feel like it's not going to do me any good down the road.  I definitely believe in guarding yourself. that's a given in life, it's necessary to remember certain things from the past so you don't repeat.

But these flashes seem more like flash sideways to me...because when I remember these things in these places lately, Thing 2 is doing things that Thing 1 did in these past places...and I see the wee one crawl into her booster seat to eat, and I get a flash of the big one doing the same thing at the same place in a different place where we were the same family that loved eacthother the same...just in a different place...  See?  Sideways...  Right now, it doesn't feel like I have to go BACK to remember.  It feels like I just have to step to the side...

Like the eye trick, you cover one eye to see one side, and you switch eyes and you see another side.  Sometimes I feel like if I cover one eye, I see here and now...and if I switch, I see then and there...

See?  Sideways...

...Locking Up Single Parent Summer...

I have been "off" for over a month...  not gonna say sorry...just gonna say... I hate being right...

Or if you prefer another bumper sticker... I told you so, with a side of tongue sticking out and fingers in the ears...

But I digress...

Here we are, knee deep in third grade awesomeness, getting the hang of homework and awesomeness of third graders everywhere...  Thing 2 wishes she was BIG... like Tom Hanks 'n shit...  but alas... you are not... you are wee... you are in between 18months and 24 months in a land I like to call "They don't make clothes for you so you have to trip or be trapped".  The holidays... JESUS... Already saying "The Holidays?"  STFU Holidays!!!

I have NOT heard a Christmas song ANYWHERE yet...and I am enjoying that. 

I actually LIKE Christmas songs...so I'm not even going to go there...

Single Parent Summer:  over... done.. the book is read... closed, shelved until next year...

Gone is the paycheck that came with it and we are back on lock down.

Gone are the bustling HAWT days of frustration from sweat pouring down my burning red face, glasses falling off as I put The Things in the car for a ride to wherever, having to remember, "Let's leave before --- so we don't get stuck in the car in the heat, and lets go home AFTER dark..."

...and gone is the freedom of no homework...there is so much GROWN UP going on in the fall, winter and spring months... It's almost overwhelming....  It's responsibility at it's finest...it's grown up.  It's Mom and Dad and Kids...

...Gone are the quickie meals of Del Taco quesadillas and bean burritos and French fries.

...Gone is the excuse to get away with the aforementioned quickie meals...

And it couldn't come at a better time!  It's been a particularly trying summer.  There have been a lot of financial responsibilities to handle, much more than usual...  the savings we saved from the tax return are GONE...  the savings I have saved since the first of the year when I wrote my budget are pretty much gone too...I am saving less even cause I am RESPONSIBLE and went with the 401k...I might even just up the bitch so I can hold onto SOME of our money...  BUT... I digress...

The financial setbacks we came across were due to the unexpected things that come with owning a home and having cars that are NOT new, but still, with the repairs and things needed on both, it's still less than HALF what we would have spent on car payments, insurance and registration on new vehicles... so we are still WINNING!  I have a few bucks on top of last years goal...so we're good.  Plus, I got to a point this year where I'm like, Fuck it.  You can't take it with you.  I have a savings.  I was able to write checks and swipe the card when some people would be hocking furniture... so I'm not gonna complain.  I'm go home and be happy...after my nervous breakdown.

Next summer, I can't wait.  If The Things come along as they atleast SHOULD...  it should be stellarly better than this summer... yeah, stellarly, don't look it up, it's MY word and it doesn't exist but in my head.

I am already eagerly anticipating cooking dinner for the four of us, putting daddy's in a lovely container for when he gets home from the game, rinse, repeat.

I was not able to do that this past summer.  I had THAT kid...the one that takes a village to raise.. Yeah, that one.  and I don't have a village... my village is too far...  so we make do...so one summer, out of The Thing's lives, we cheated...  and it was fun...

Next summer... no cheating... It more than likely will not be necessary and I am already looking forward to it.  Meanwhile, hello FALL!  I missed you!  Take off your coat and stay awhile!  No really, take off your damn coat cause it's effing hot outside still.

I must say it has definitely leveled off and I can't wait to put my floor fan away for the season! It's happening sooner than later.  I still have a month or two before I will need to replace my furnace filter and I even had a lower SCE bill than I budgeted for according my last year's budget.  Thanks for coming in under a lot of my budget, I was actually able to put a chunk of money away and still leave room for all the bills I have slated to pay with this check AND Thing 1's dental work....  SO MUCH dental work.. I feel so horrible.

My mouth is awful, my mister's mouth is AWFUL... so I had to know that our damn kids would have horribly yucky mouths... poor babes...  all I can do is harp on them to brush their teeth and take them in for check ups  when I'm supposed to... doesn't make it any less painful to watch...  So this is basically a rant... a ramble... about how summer is over, fall is beginning with awesome weather we usually don't see until October is almost over and we scoped out a rad place that we might be able to go apple picking at before the season is over...this is very exciting to me.

We have been here 4 years, and we finally explored!  I don't like to explore alone, and I don't' count Choni...so we don't' like to explore alone as it were... so we dragged Ma, my sis's and their entourages out to the middle of nowhere, a mile high...and BOOM...  it was like a different state! Definitely not what people think when they think "California" but Ma's worldly beau said the sage brush was a dead giveaway... cause he's a smart dude like that and that's why we like him! 

With more time at home and more time to do his extra curricular activities, I have noticed my Mister is a slightly happier Mister.  I say slightly cause he was already happy and it's hard to improve on perfection :)  Don't get me wrong he can be a pain in the ass sometimes...but it's one of those things where it doesn't bug me cause I would miss it in a heart beat if I didn't have it anymore...aawwww.... 

I think that wraps it up...

"Dirty Mouth? Clean it UP!"...

...Oh Orbit Lady.... PLEASE come through my house!!!  ...And then I wake up... Cause yeah... that's NOT gonna happen. Not no way, not no how...

 

Guess what I did yesterday? Nothing.  I cleaned the kids room with them (by with them of course I mean giving Thing 2 things to keep her busy while I cleaned with Thing 1)...  I can't believe what we were able to clean. I can't believe what she let me get rid of.  Yes LET ME.  I know, I shouldn't let my kid have the say really.  But here's the part about them being far apart.  Thing 1 is at the age when she should be getting rid of baby toys...but we have the baby now...and she is old enough to play with all those toys.  One day, they will be gone, but we just signed a new lease on their life.  If those toys could talk I'd demand some thank yous...  just sayin...

 

Cleaning the kid's room has become somewhat of a "mommy" job.  Sometimes I sell myself on the idea that the chores are perfectly, evenly split up, but they're not.  They're just not.  It's never going to be perfectly even and perfect.  Putting the kid's laundry away is a mommy job.  But I like it.  I like it because I am the one that buys them their replacement clothes...so if I buy the clothes, I should fold them and put them away so I know what's hole-y.  What's shredded, ripped, stained, too small and ready to go.  I like my "mommy" jobs.  I try to do other things, but the only time I have to do things is the weekends, which this weekend was one where daddy worked...  I played with the kiddos yesterday and cleaned and played...we watched movies, had a little friend over, sent the little friend home, and played... Mary slept, I worked on a crochet project (what's with all these breeders lately? I loved it!) and I went to bed a little later than usual cause I wanted to hug and kiss my Choni-baloney before I went to bed.  And then, he did the dishes... He worked, came home at 9:30 after stopping at the store after work, put the food away and did the dishes...  Yeah, that's what I married...  and that's why I strive to be a better person everyday...and that's why last night I went to bed totally depressed.  I am going to have start a personal journal....

 

I need somewhere where I can completely release the crazy inadequacies I feel as the spouse... some of it's pure bullshit.  Some of it is pretty valid... Some of it is just for us.. some of it... like when I have had people tell me that from their end, they don't think Choni does enough... 

 

Yep... people have told me that.  I know what they mean is based on what they see, but you have to be in our house day to day to realize that it's really the other way around...  I play with the kids when I have them... because I am constantly in a state of flux.  I want to clean the house, I want to see them see me clean the house so they can say "wow, what a clean house we have."  But I have some negative semi-repressed memories about having a clean house, which is also probably a serious part of me being "Clean or play?  PLAY!"  Because we did things as a family, but I can't remember a time my mom really PLAYED with  me.  I don't hold it against her or anything, she worked like a fuckin DOG to keep our house up and my dad did, too...  food on the table and a clean house and a few memories here and there of Disneyland, Knott's, picnics, birthday parties.  Lots of snuggly nights at home...  right before bed and after dinner...  very warm and snuggly... but I also remember several times when my OCD dad decided to WASH THE SCREENS instead of go to the park with us, so we made our own fun. 

 

I know people will call bullshit on the fact that I say "well the baby is UP MY ASS"  because it IS difficult to keep your mind ON TASK when a midget is pulling your pants down whilst climbing your leg... so we do what we can, but still... I feel like I should be doing a better job.  Like my house should be immaculate like so many other people's houses are (or maybe they're not and I PRESUME they are)... I guess everyone juggles differently and this is how we juggle... We prioritized, and cleanliness of house has taken a bit of a back burner...sure, I Swiffer... that shit's RAD... but when I dusted my house as a chore when I was a kid, it was a rag and Pledge to the WHOLE shebang and that was all that was acceptable.  My mom could tell when I tickled the house with a feather duster and what did I do the next day?  Re-DID all the dusting I didn't do the day before.... 

 

I guess the point is, I don't  have a clean house... my poor hubby does 95% percent more housework than I do and I play with the kids...  and one day this will change... so I'm going to do my best to enjoy this while it lasts...because one day...the kids won't want a thing to do with me and I'll be cleaning out of necessity to keep my time occupied.  And that's why my house is disheveled and my nails are barely kempt and I sneak in project-ing when the baby naps...oh and I am at my pre baby weight and sustaining because it's too goddamned hot to go outside and walk and my post work work-outs are on hold until Thing 2 gets old enough to NOT get into shit... I'm waiting for Fall basically... or OUR Fall, which starts in late November... I should call this time "Baby Flux"...maybe naming it will help me get out of my head about it...  but see, now that I've said that and put it out there, I feel better already!  Blah...word vomit...and now I am purged!!!  ...and this is what happens when I have too much time to think things...  because this is all bullshit...and I know that...  first world problems eh?  TOTALLY!!!  And this is why I would be a horrible psych patient...  I would do a round of word vomit...and I would be cured...teeheehee...  And one day, I will be looking at a 5 year old Thing 2 and be thinking, "Remember when I didn't have time for things?"...  I remember doing that with Thing 1.  I think she was about 3 when I could just 100% get going on things and she wouldn't be ALL OVER ME...and as much as I sat there enjoying it, I was sad that I wasn't being called for, needed, "bugged"...  It's bittersweet, that moment when you're doing something that you couldn't easily do with a small one around, and then the moment you can... it's ALMOST not as enjoyable it once was.  Because that free time comes at a price...the price of kids growing up...  Circle of life n shit...  kids grow up, we get our "free time" back for what it's worth and we wonder where it all went...  And it's all so incredibly NORMAL...  and now I can move on to the next thing on my list of things to dwell on...what's for dinner??

Type, Type... Erase... Type... Erase...

Trying not to be the Billionth person to talk about it...

That's my response to Boston so far...

To sit at my desk and see madness down a street I have walked... down a corner I have turned...  driven down... albeit in the back seat but still...  And be utterly helpless...  To sit here and try to find the words... the collective, coherent thought to take that in and not go completely mad...  We are not an old country, but for our immediate purposes, Boston is our version of an ancient city...

Excuse me while I go in the Way Back Machine to that fateful Tuesday Morning in 2001 when I saw something else happen in a spot I have walked in, sat down on a bench and looked up at those immense buildings and have a feeling I was in the presence of greatness and world power... apparently I wasn't the only person that knew that...

I feel the same way about Boston...I felt the same way yesterday...  Of course there is the "Why? What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!"  Ok, someone is making a point...  but really?  That's how you make your point?  Fuckin pussies...  sorry.. but they are...  I can't stomach acts of violence.  I REALLY CAN"T STOMACH FACELESS ACTS OF VIOLENCE!!!  MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN YOU COWARDS!!  So we can catch you and bring you the justice you deserve.  Actually, we don't Constitutionally ALLOW the kind of justice these people would truly deserve, but anyways... I believe in Capitol Punishment, so sue me.  I'll never commit a crime that would deem me deserved as such, so I don't care if they euthanize people.  I REALLY REALLY don't.

A question I brought to myself: do I tell Thing 1?  We don't watch the news per se.  We don't sit and watch it together as a family... I watch it...  I choose to.  It's MY choice.  I know my children should grow up to be learned adults...but I'm choosing not to start it now.  If Harley comes home from school and asks me about something her teacher brought up we will talk about it...but I'm not going to sit her down and tell her about everything that happens and then attempt to possibly counter that with something good so that she doesn't give up hope in humans so early.  I would literally spend ALL day talking to her if that were the case. 

Meh... super miffed.. super sad... and super effing miffed...

I had nothing fresh or knew to think I was so stunned...appalled.  So I dug down into my 'serves.

September 11th, I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know if the country would feel a sense of comraderie that would bring us all to not go to school, to not work.  I just dared to go on my day and see what everyone else thought.  I didn't feel like, as a Californian, I should feel a sense of entitlement that allowed that horror to affect me directly, not sure yet if would in anyway, just that sight of those awesome buildings falling...  I got my other sock on, put on my shoes and drove to school...  I wasn't the only College student unsure.  Doors had signs on them of class cancellations... I made it INTO my class and my professor was explaining how she was going home and she bade us do the same...so I walked out with everyone else.  And I remembering seeing a Marine Reservist shaking his head...he just got done with his requirements and he pretty much knew then...he'd be going over somewhere...
I saw my husband by my car... He was writing me a note (no cell phones) and he grabbed the paper off my windshield and ran up and hugged me and we talked a minute... all of our classes were cancelled... did I still go to work?  did I still dare to pretend nothing happened??  Even the radio was rife with discussion...  I went home... waited for work to begin.  He came with me to my house for a bit and went on to work himself.  He said it was DEAD at his video store.  Mine wasn't DEAD.  But my manager, Stina, was on board with keeping a low profile that night and we turned all the TV's at my store and sat on the counter and watched...  The patrons didn't mind.  There were 5...all night. And one I will never forget.  Not ever.

A homely woman comes in after there is already a man with his son in the Sci-Fi section mulling over which Alien movie to rent... there are so many choices!

Woman is unhappy...  She grunts upon her entry and exasperates at the wall O' Tv's...  Uhm... Okaaaay....

I look at Stina, she is sitting on the counter watching... I follow my manager's lead and only get up when someone approaches attempting some miniscule amount of professionalism, but they don't care about that... they are all glued to the news.

I am helping man and son with their rental and woman comes up, Stina jumps off the counter and helps her.  She leans over towards Stina...  reading her Manager status on her glorious Employee Badge... 

"Oh, so I guess putting this on was your idea?"  Woman says.

Stina:  "Uh yea...  your total is..."

Woman: "Ugh, hopefully these are good enough to replace what's on... I can't believe SURVIVOR ISN'T ON TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THIS!!" (waving her hands at the TV's)

Stina:  "Your movies are due back ____....And I suggest that you go home and hug your kids because obvoiously there are WORSE THINGS GOING ON THAN MISSING SURVIVOR!!  Have a nice day." 

Stina... my hero that night... I will never forget that...  Not ever...

My immediate response to yesterday; I gave my kids a giant hug and we stayed in and hung out until bedtime... then I did my laundry and I relished in the things I was able to do because you just never know when you won't be able to do them again...