How The Universe Can Piss You Off And Then Show You How Lucky You Are In One Fell Swoop...

I got to work today and it was going to be a great day... I didn't wear my watch today and I wore it yesterday and yesterday was a great day.  I thought to myself, stupidly, "Today's gonna suck cause I didn't wear my watch..."...

...I get a call from a co worker that just so happened to be later than usual this morning, the LAST person to get in the parking lot until people started lunch hours around 11am...

CW: Hey you probably know this already but your RR Tire is FLAT...

ME: What?!?  What do you mean FLAT?!?!

CW: OH! Sorry, I mean, F-L-A-T...  Hanging off the rim, no bueno flat.  You might want to come down here.

ME: (looking at the piles and piles of work on my desk and NOW worrying about my car resting on the rim and the fact that I just bought new tires 6 months ago and the CFO is leaving and I'm doing checks today instead of tomorrow and he's leaving in 30 minutes...29 minutes...28 minutes and oh my god OH MY GOD!!)  Uhm, yeah, I can't... I'll be down soon...

I powered through two days worth of work in 2 hours this morning so the CFO could leave early and be out tomorrow, which is generally the day I run the vendor checks.  I got it DONE... BOOM!!!

I ask my co-worker if she could watch the phones for a sec while I mosey on down to my car...

It was totally fucked off, and I wanted to cry, and vomit, and hug my Purple People Eater all at once...  I go into the warehouse, I have a friend out there.  It's DEAD out there today (actually NOT a good thing but good for ME at the time)... Ask mi amigo if he can help me out a second... "Of course!" Take him to my car and show him the tire, we get the jack and the tire iron out of the car, I was initially going to take the tire off the car, leave it jacked, go with SOMEONE and get the tire fixed and bring the tire back to put on the car...  I didn't have a donut on my car.  My car didn't come with one...and My father in law got me one that was used and it went bad real fast and it never got replaced. 

Mi Amigo finds a donut spare in my trunk...??????

...The last time something happened to my tires and I didn't handle it 100% myself, we were staying with my in-laws...  I was working, Choni was working and there was only Thing 1...  I took Choni's car, he took his dad's car, and Felipe kept MY car...he had Fridays off and wasn't working anyways... He put that there.  He put that donut spare there for me, cause he knew I wouldn't do it and he knew his son wouldn't do it and he knew I would need it...he knew WE would need it... He put that there for me.. a present to be had a later date, lest we knew he wouldn't be able to linger and help with these little chores any longer...

....

...

..
.

I couldn't even handle that.  I completely broke down at work...

I got my shit together, I took and "early" lunch to get my car business handled cause Amigo checked my spare, it was low.  He took it over to the RV place behind us and had it blown up some so I could go 2 miles to the tire chain in town where I got my tires... same chain, different store.  A patch job later, and I'm good to go.  AFTER the dude at the counter told me that hey would be replacing the tire cause there were razor blades wedged into it and it would cost me 10 bucks because I already had a warranty on the tires... this would replace the warranty with a new warranty on the new tire and there is a disposal fee...so I say, 10. 

I decided to venture and I went to JBox for breakfast... like I used to when me n Choni was in college n stuffs...

It was kinda nice... ish...  spent most of the time doing a play by play on my morning with Choni, JJ, and eating my sausage croissant combo...  NOT really how I wanted to spend my lunch hour but I got in a walk so I guess it sort of washes out...riiiight?!?  Right!  Okay... I get back to the place, just as I was about to make a dent in my book that I am neglecting because I'm all grown up 'n shit I get called up to take care of my business...  No charge, just a patch.. Jesus-pleasus...  I got my final paperwork and got the HELL outta there...

Came back to work to find out some stupid shit popped off while I was gone, but no biggie, it's all fine.  Also, found out a guy isn't here, that is detrimental to be getting a certain spreadsheet done in 45 minutes instead of 4-5hours...  and no one knew he'd be gone starting YESTERDAY and will be back Monday...  Uhm.. okay...

The Piles on my desk that I got rid of this morning were replaced with new piles.. but I couldn't get mad... cause how lucky I am really.

I am lucky, cause I work for a place that let me up and leave and take care of personal business in the middle of the damn morning...

I work for a place with cool people that help out a chick who is SWAMPED and doesn't have TIME to change the tire (let alone the will)... 

I didn't have to pay for a new tire, or a deductible on a new tire...

That shit went sideways AFTER I parked at work and NOT while I had my family in the car...

...And I had a Father In Law who, even now, is STILL watching over us...

And it's because of all that, I just ate my spaghetti lunch for "dinner" cause I am also going to get our taxed done after work and I won't be home in time to sit down to dinner with my hunnies... but I get to have some later, so there's that...

...And speaking of cake, anybody else come home to a freshly baked cake yesterday? Hands? Anyone?  No?? Just me?... Ok then...

Knockin On Heaven's Door....

Sitting on my couch last night watching the latest episode of Being Human, where Sally, Nick and Stevie who were once ghosts are zombies basically now and Nick went after his girlfriend, she killed him for trying to eat her and she killed him GOOD.  Nick turns back into a ghost after Zoie kills him and Sally and Zoie watch him walk into his "door"...

Sally tells Stevie he is a zombie now, Josh kills Stevie so he won't eat anyone else (after he ate his parents and the mailman) and Stevie shows up as a ghost and walks into his door... here's the problem: it's the same door Nick went through and in the Being Human-verse, every ghost gets their own door.  So this makes Sally and Josh wax intellectual about what this must mean if ghost Nick and Stevie went through the same door, what if Sally decided she didn't want to be a zombie and killed herself, then she would be a ghost and get offered this crazy door... what would happen? What's on the other side?

And this is what happens as a result of watching that episode:

Harley: So why are they freaking out?

Me: 'Cause that guy got the same door as the other guy and that's wrong.  That means that there's something bad probably going on...

Harley:  So, what's on the other side of the door?

Me: Heaven...I guess... well... that person's version of heaven..but you realize that this is a show right?  That everything is made up right?

Harley: well...duh.  But, so if it's their heaven, what do you think is on the otherside?

Me: Well, I guess it's different for everybody... Like, your idea of Heaven is probably all marshmallows and books and unicorns doing backflips over rainbows...

Harley: (laughs) yeah, probably... So what do you think your door would like?

Me: well, Uhm... I don't know.  I guess....  I would have an orange door and on the otherside would hopefully my dad/your grandpa... maybe some of my animals... maybe Grandma Mary...

Harley:  Oh... Ok.  What color is grandma and grandpas door at their house?  Cuz I want my door to look that their door and I want grandpa to be on the otherside...




...and there you have it folks...  straight from the mouths of babes...

If I had a nickle for every time I attempted to start and finish a new post... I'd have a shitload of nickles...

...And all I can think of is how glad I am at this moment that you can't smell breath over the internet...  My next book will be called "Coffee:  it's whore-ish tendencies to ruin my fantasticness..."
Moving right along...
Seriously, if I had a nickle for EVERY SINGLE TIME I opened up my page, attempted a post...and deleted it... I'd be a rich bitch...  just sayin...

I haven't even written in my personal journal in over a month...  Actually; hold please...

June 20th...  that was the last entry...  There is maybe one person reading this and scratching their head at how odd that sounds...so much time between entries...and this is a person who, after high school, would call me and say "So, what did I do for New Year's, '98??"  And yes... I would be able to answer.  Sad but true... 

And the last entry was about how our uncle went missing...and he was recently "found"...  I did not finish that entry... it stops mid page...

 It's a sad, tragic story and all I can say is...he will be missed. 

Especially by the children in his life.  Tio was a big hit with the kids.
I wanted to get up and say something at his service, but there was a lot going on and I just wanted the day to end...  for some reason it was harder for me to do the "Celebration of Life" thing that day...  I know why...  but it's none ya bidness... 

What I would have said was this:

I will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart for Tio...  for what he did for my wonderful F.I.L....  (see what I did there?) 
When Felipe got sick, Tio came out... NO questions asked.  "Bro needs me? DONE!"  Cause that's the kind of guy he was.  The very first time I met him was at Tita Carmen's funeral.  I didn't see him again until he came out to care for his brother... 

The first time I went to the house to re-introduce ourselves to this long lost uncle, Thing 1 was asking her Gma for something...  and annoyingly I might add.  Because at Gma and Gpa's anything goes.  Well, with Gpa not really able to much anymore, I was really getting on the little one to start doing things herself.  Get your own snacks, take yourself to the bathroom (she milked that one DRY I tell you) and so on...

Well, on this particular day, Gpa turns to his brother and says "Hey, Mija wants to play with her playdough... Play with her." 

Now, if this was most families, I'm sure Gpa would have been met with a certain amount of cynicism...  or something opposite of what happened...

Without hesitation or question... Tio disappeared up into the girliest of girl rooms, and came down with the playdough set in tow...  And he sat there, with his bad knees, and played with her until his brother needed him for something...then he came back and continued on playing...  He gave his great niece something that day... he gave her back her grandpa time that she was already starting to miss because gpa couldn't play and move around like he used to with her.  And they played ALOT...  so she noticed when he had to stop.  But that day...  she got her grandpa back...  and many days after.

I wanted to cry...that was so awesome...

And I wanted to cry last night too...

Sitting on the couch, thing 2 draining a rice bottle...  nice evening air flowing through our little house... (I'm setting a scene here bitches) watching re-runs of The Wonder Years...  Harley cleaned the living room of her Hiroshima like proportion of toy explosion and came out of her room...  disappeared into my room... she doesn't DO that... like EVAH...  Came out with the paper from Tio's service in one hand...and her Gpa's in the other.

I lost it.

She already had little tears in her eyes...

One thing is for sure. I am in a whole new league here.  I did NOT know loss like that when I was her age.  I know that my hubby didn't either.  So... as to what to do in this situation?  We are winging it like a bastard cause we are at a loss as to how to handle it.

One more short story about Tio...kinda...

The kiddo has a lion named Leo...  Tio's name is Leo...

She thought that maybe that's too many Leo's...she changed his name to Larry. 

His name is Leo again...

♪♫Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs...♪♫♪

And it's true!!  Like this:

"Hi, I'm your computer.  I don't want to be here today!  You're Fucked!!"

that is a sign that I am not supposed to work right now...that little box does a lot of damage to my computer..  so...here is more on "signs"...

My hubby has a touch of the gift?  Did I tell you that?  He has fortelling dreams... Did I tell you that?  

My mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had a masectomy, lost her hair, the whole nine.  Twas a very hard time for the family and showed me what a powerful family I would be entering into.  This was right after we moved out into our own apartment...  We had been together for two and a half years, we were engaged, we just moved into our own apartment and Choni had a dream that all of his teeth were pulled...but they were given back to him in a container.  And he took them home and showed his parents.  But when he looked at his mom...he couldn't really see her.  She was all blurry.
It was somewhere in the next few days that we found out her diagnosis.
He had a dream that he lost a tooth...  and Grandma Carmen died.
He had another dream he lost a tooth... and Grandma Emilina died.

He knew we would have two girls... he knew how far apart they were going to be... he just KNEW.

He had a dream that all of his teeth were pulled...and he didn't get them back... and then his dad called us in the middle of the week and wanted to make SURE we were coming that weekend.  Well, we had plans that weekend, but his dad never called and MADE sure we were coming so I said yes we were.  I told Choni his dad called and needed to talk to us.  Then he told me about his dream... and we knew it was bad news...  So we had to skip our plans and show up to confirm the news.  Even though we were pretty sure, I still sunk like a rock when he laid it on us. 

So when Choni tells me he had a dream... I listen.  I listen very closely.  We aren't always able to figure it out rightaway... or 100% correct, but after a few of these things... we are doing a pretty good job. 

He had a dream two weeks ago that his dad came to see him.  There was a lot going on  in the dream that didn't make sense, but what he really focused on was that his dad was there to tell him that he was alright, that things are very organized where he was and that Choni was the only one that could see him so stop toeing my leg and trying to wake me.  (I remember the leg pushing with his toe...  he was a having a doozy of a dream)...  But what he couldn't understand was why his dad had red blotches all over him.  So he read up in his dream book and thought about it.  It meant that there would be great worry and possible regret. 

Well, a day or two later, unbeknownst to us, his Tio Leo went missing...he's still missing...  that is the great worry.  I think the great regret may lie in our living situation.  See, we bought our house to set down roots in a new place that was near to everyone.  We have lived around all the cities here and we liked Hemet best.  Mostly because we didn't know anybody.  That had it's appeals to both of us for many reasons.  I also like the layout better than any other city and after I drove him around there a few times, he agreed.  If we had known that his dad would be sick and need care... we wouldn't have bought the house.  We wouldn't have left Elsinore.  We would  have stayed...but stubborn ol grandpa... he had been feeling badly for several years.  And he was just too stubborn and proud to admit that he wasn't feeling 100% to go to the doctor.  So the regret is that we regret we didn't know sooner that he was sick.  Then we would have lived there...and we would be with Yvonne now..and she wouldn't be alone wondering what happened to Tio Leo...and there wouldn't be detectives in her house...  But then again...who's to say?  Of course, once this whole thing blows over with whatever outcome is in our future...we won't feel that way probably.  But right this minute, we do. 

It's unnerving not knowing where someone is... someone you care about...  even if they somewhat bring it on themselves.  I'd rather give him hell and yell at him when he turns up than the alternative that might also be presenting itself later. 

All we can do now is pray he is ok wherever he is and hopefully he surfaces.  He's disappeared several times before and resurfaced...but even a cat only has 9 lives...

Your services are no longer required...

What seems like long ago in a land far, far away and also like yesterday at the same time...my Pop left us for an ethereal plane where he can play guitar and harmonica simultaneously...cause he couldn't seem to do it here on Earth... 
My Pop and I had a connection..  the kind of thing where I didn't need to call  him every day because I knew things were good with him and he knew things were good with me and if he ever got the notion that I was holding something back he would check with Ma.  Funny...because they had to get divorced to become best friends...  Weirdos...
He said something to me once that I switched around to help  me cope with losing him...
I once complained about not getting very much attention from my mother.
At the time I felt I lived with her because I had to, not because I wanted to.
As the years went on with me, Ma, the THEN husband and my elder sister, I noticed the pattern.  I didn't really NEED the attention that she was getting from Ma.  It was negative attention.  I didn't get attention because I didn't need it, not really.  And because I didn't go to Ma with every single little thing, when I DID need her, she was there because she KNEW it was important stuff if I was going to her with it. 
So, when I lost my dad too early for my liking...I thought about it.  Why the HELL would God take my dad from me? He wasn't a bad person...  he was a good guy...why do bad things happen to good people and all that crap... I went through it all. 
And I thought about it..  in terms of my coping mechanism, I thought to myself, "He left because he knew I didn't need him anymore."  Pop was always smarter than the average Papa Bear...  He was a brain ninja...he'd throw his little verbal ninja stars and the shit would HIT you out of nowhere.. or he'd tell you how things were going to turn out and no matter how much you didn't like it or thought it was wrong... turns out YOU were the one that was wrong my friend...  Therefore, he must have known that life would go on just fine for us all without him.  He was such a blessing to my step mom, and step siblings lives, turned them around really...  he did his job.  It was time for him to sit back and watch his work from a better POV (that's movie people talk for point of view, yeah I threw that out there).
And now you know how I cope. 
Now, for my other dad...  Felipe... definitely taken too soon...and I'm trying so hard to apply the same addage to losing him as I did to losing Pop.  When I saw them after Pop was gone, we went to their house for dinner.  They made me a sympathy dinner of my favorites, bacon wrapped shrimp and chile rellanos and I cried on Antonio's shoulder and I cried on Felipe's shoulder until there was a big wet spot on his designer shirt and he told me that if I ever needed anything I could come to them anytime...and he meant it...and I did.  And from then on I really truly thought of him as a father figure.  The man had so much love he was giving it away and I still feel great honor for being one of the many recipiants.  I can't even say I'll miss him because it's not the right word. Not by a long shot.
I can think of a million people who needed him to stay ...  but I can think of one that will be just fine...
My fantastic husband is fantastic because of three people... His mom, his dad, and himself.  And there's alot of his dad in there because he was the odd job, different job type of guy and always seemed to be available to Antonio when he was little.  Sort of like how Antonio is with our kids.  Funny how the acorn doesn't fall far from the nuthouse...
Antonio and Felipe didn't really have a lot in common. It seemed to me that it was hard for Felipe to relate to his son..because he was raising a completely different person from himself.  Felipe lost his father when he was young and Antonio grew up with both parents.  Felipe had 6 brothers and sisters and Antonio was an only child, spoiled rotten to the core unlike Felipe.  He even took to taking in kids (family, friends of Antonio's, friends kids) who were going through a tough time or a little troubled themselves because he had a lot of wisdom for kids like that but he couldn't really pass it to Antonio because that wasn't Antonio's world...
And Felipe realized something as Antonio got older...  he didn't radiate the need for a positive male figure like young Felipe did...because Antonio already had it...  He didn't need to look any further than his own living room.  Or right behind him, which is where his dad always was.  And always will be.  And that is how I am comforting my husband.  His dad left because he raised his son up right... and there was just nothing else he could offer him. 
Of course, his wife won't be comforted by that because she has lost her soul mate...and you'll never "not need" your soulmate.  Harley will be missing out on time with her grandpa who couldn't have loved her more if he tried and Marysu... we'll be able to tell the stories..it won't be the same but it'll have to do. Hopefully she'll be comforted by what will surely be tears streaming down our faces during the tales...
I'm sure it sounds odd, but someone knows something we don't...and maybe that something is that we really will be just fine without them and they knew that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...
Now, here is your pink slip, you can pick up your last paycheck in the HR department...

6 degrees of Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band...

That's right...I wrote that...  There is a musical group called Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band and my mom LOVED them... she had the record, the tape, the record recorded ONTO a tape...  And that's what we had in our house as a child...amongst MANY other musical groups and ecclectic collections of records and tapes.  Yay us.  Well, I just had to say that I can pin point when I knew that I was going to LOVE Antonio's parents..  I already told you our story.  Okay Fine.  Well, there are things in life that make things click...So many things made us click.  And I was so scared after all of the "getting to know you" part was basically over and we were totally in love, gourmet cheese style, I still had to meet his parents. 

Know this: NO boyfriend's parents had EVER liked me.

Not EVER...

The closest I had come in my life was a friend, that was a boy, had a mom that wanted me to date her son so she could call me the daughter she never had.  I was 11 then... that doesn't count.  I didn't date her son...  so it REALLY doesn't count.  Maybe it was the brazenness of my dress?  You think?  XL surf shirts and baggy jeans...oh yeah, call me Jezebel!

Anyhoot...I had already heard the horror stories about Antonio's parents giving girlfriends past the cold shoulder (for very good reason it turns out) but who was I to be considered any better at this early point in our relationship?  It's winter/spring in the I.E., that means torrents of rain and my poor honey drove a Ford POS that we referred to as the Snot Rocket (it was green ya'll) and the Rocket was out of commission.  I didn't have my car because I was transitioning from my first car to my next car and I had to get a ride from my ex steppie... bummer...  He said he'd give me a ride home, SWEET!  But he had his dad's car and he almost jumped off the cliff about it.  I thought, how bad could it be?  Geo Metro bad...haha!  If you've never been in one, they're nothing to scoff at...I couldn't believe the leg room in this thing!  It was amazing!  It could have been make out city..but it was his DAD'S car...ew.  We get out on the road and head to Temecula with a quick stop at J.Box...CHILI CHEESE CURLY FRIES!!  Ahem...they need to bring those back...Just sayin... 

I'm nosey by nature, I can't help it.  I'm observant to the point of sneakery and I don't care who knows it.  I was looking all over the car checking stuff out and came across the CD case under the seat.  You can tell a whole lot about people from the music they listen to.  Music is like soul candy, or atleast it is to me.  So I'm thinking, I can get a leg up on these people, have something to talk about.. The Clash, The Police, Andre Boccelli, DiVinyls, The Best of Simon and Garfunkel, Al Green, Earth, Wind and Fire... it's looking pretty damn decent.  Until I come across the I Ching...  Something I hadn't seen in years because my mom had lost her last tape and we got her the CD when we lived in El Toro, but what happened? Got lost in the move...I just about cried...  I really really did... 

THAT moment, right there...before holding a full conversation with them, I knew it was going to be alright.  I knew they would be awesome, they would everything that everyone should have in in-laws...and yes people, I knew they would be in-laws then...  I truly did...Gourmet Cheese is served.

I think of Dr. Buzzard and I can SMELL my mom's Clinique perfume the memories are that strong.  Sitting in that car for the first time ever and I was immediately comforted...I was always comfortable around Antonio since day one...  that was just another link in the chain my friend...  Just another link...and it only got longer and stronger from there....

and now I want chili fries...

Rule # 32: enjoy the little things...

Obsession?  Or organic Prozac?  Either way, I love me some lip gloss...It's funny the things that make you feel better.  Just little things.  These are just the ones that I keep on me at any given time.  This is isn't even what I have at home...  (evil chuckle)  I can't help myself....  but hey, they get used so they don't go to waste and I figure what's a few dollars here and there if means keeping me out of the looney bin?  Because sometimes, I can sit and think about things and over thinking is something that comes very naturally to me...  If it weren't for things like chapsticks and lip balms shooting that happy feeling through my body once in a while I could go mad.  I don't always have access to the things that make me ecstatic i.e. Choni, Harley, Marysu, Ma...my many, many, many members of extended family...  So, once in a while, on my lunch I'll venture into Wal-Mart or Target and see what's doin in the lip department.  Choni doesn't mind this behavior due to it giving me silky smooth lips. Hah!

This is also one of those things I can control.  When life is throwing me to a whirlwind and isn't going in just one direction, I slow it down a little by just sitting down and thinking, "Can't control this and can't control that...  but... "  and it comes to me.  Maybe a new nail polish is the ticket?  Or chapstick?  My kids make me happy, even when they're being bad...they are being perfectly healthy and bad...  I'll take it... I'll reel in that awful behavior reminding myself I am a Mom who gives a shit or two to do so in the first place and I start to feel better...if Harley does what I say?  I get a false sense of power of Wonder Woman proportions and then I am the one who needs reeling in ;) 
Right about now, I could really use a new chapstick...not really...but YOU know what I mean.
Over the weekend, I cleaned the kids room...again...  I have done that about a hundred times.  Why?  because I can control it.  I can control how clean that room is, how everything is organized... 
Because I can't control my poor hubby's feelings..I can't control my poor father in law's breathing for him so he can come home and say goodbye to us on his own terms. 
So I douched my house :)  And then the dog trapsed through the dining room with muddy paws... 
It's still there...
I moved on ...

I also love food...I try to keep it a luxury as far as the goodies go...and I try to make my own to keep the "processed foods intake" down in our house.  I try to make as much as I can.  I make my own frozen waffles ;)  But food is supposed to fill us with nutrients, not provide entertainment value.  I make a conscious decision each and every day not to find comfort in food, which is hard.  But once in a while...I will indulge in an extra Coke.  I already bring my own Dr Pepper to work so I don't break my bank buying them individually from work.  I DO buy them here though.  One of the few reasons I do so:  To ensure that the vending machine is here the next day!  There are so many things here that we take for granted at my job, I don't want vending machines to become one of them.  So every once in a while I throw my $.85 in there and out pops an ice cold refreshment!  On the weekends, though...the gloves are off! 

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm a simple creature..I'm able to keep it simple by sticking to the small things that bring a smile to my face on a daily basis and sometimes, you can get yourself into a mood where looking at picture of the two most special faces in the world won't do it for you... so...there's always a new flavor of Carmex to bring the good mood in right!  Or pens... have I mentioned the pens???

Food for thought:  The Simpsons Movie is even funnier at 4:47am...

♫♪Grandpa...Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole Days...♪♫

I never thought I would find myself in a world without Grandpas...It's a weird notion...and I never thought about it.  I took for granted the fact that mine and Antonio's parents had us at early ages...and that we were having our children early and that they would be surrounded by grandparents and so much more love than they would get from us.  Wow... I couldn't have BEEN more wrong.  Just added it to the laundry list of things I have been wrong about and moved on...  When I grew up, I had my pop's dad, my mom's mom and her third husband who I lovingly referred to as Grandpa Davy and my mom's dad was more like a watermark on our lives because his wife was bat-chit crazy mang. 

When my mom got remarried, even though I could have cared less for the man, I really liked his parents.  I loved is parents...they were my grandparents.  I loved how his mom insisted on getting everyone's addresses in line at the grocery store.  I thought it was ridiculous, but I really loved it. It screamed the time she came from.  My Grandma Mary was very progressive and very few things came from her as a shadow of the past.  She wouldn't step foot oustside in her housecoat and she wouldn't receive guests without filling them food...other than that, she had some very progressive thoughts.  Loved it.  I had sooo much grandparent love it was ridiculous.  I even remember telling Grandma Mary that...  I was happy I had so much multigenerational experience to fall back on.  And of all things that I wanted for my children that I did or didn't have as a child...  they won't have that.  They have their grandma's.  That's it.  As of probably this weekend, they will be in a world without Grandpa's.  My pop was taken from us when I was 22...  Yeah, I had him for a while...but I wasn't done with him yet. 

Luckily, I had an awesome fiancee (husband now) and his family was awesome...  I thought, I know that if I ever needed anything in the dad realm, I could call my future father in law in an instant and he would drop what he was doing to help me.  So, I said goodbye to my pop and figured that you just can't have too many good things in life and someone decided before the levee broke that something had to go...  And now, my beloved father in law is talking to his wife about taking him off life support because he is ready to leave behind his disease riddled body. 

My daughters, Thing 1 and Thing 2, are in very different positions... Thing 1 is 6 and a half and can remember all the times she spent Friday and Saturday at Grandpa and Grandma's and spent all day Friday with Grandpa cause Grandma works and all day Saturday with Grandma cause she needed to get her time in before Mom and Dad (which am us) came to scoop her up.  She is in a difficult position because she loves her Grandpa and doesn't want him to go.  Thing 2 on the other hand will never know her Grandpa and will only hear the story about how he held on as long as he could to see her born and feel her soft little feet on his cheek because he couldn't hold her hand. 

When one door opens, a window closes and so forth... I can checkerboard a pattern proof of this in my life.  So I can't be too surprised...  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always does.  I don't necessarily lead my life in a manner expecting the worst...but I am always prepared for it for the most part.  I know life can't go on perfectly, so I am not terribly dissappointed all the time when things don't go my way.  Pleasantly surprised is always a good way to be...  and particularly bummed is a common occurence.  Fine.  I can deal with that.
But when I can't deal with it...I get my hair done...Or I polish my nails. Or change the laces in my shoes.  It's these small things in life that I CAN control completely that help me get through the organized chaos of my life.

Meanwhile, here I sit, work completely done waiting for a phone call from my sweet sweet partner in life who hasn't dealt with this at all and will definitely need someone at his side when it does...because it will...and it'll hit the poor guy like a ton of fuckin bricks.  And that is why I am here, I am here to catch him when he falls... I feel damned lucky that I GET to catch him when he falls. That's why I'm his wife :) 

On a completely different note: did you know that you can find Transformers the original cartoon on at 4am?

My Daddy was from Akransas!!

Not really, he was from Akron, OH...Try to keep up...  I quote movies and TV shows ALOT...  In the show Roseanne, the Crystal is checking up on Jackie because Jackie is taking care of the kids while Roseanne is with their parents in Moline.  Jackie gets pissed that she's there to check on her cause she doesn't think she can handle three kids and Dan..so they get into a tiff and Jackie picks on Crystal "What's with that accent by the way? You grew up in Lanford, just like us."  Crystal retorts and Jackie chimes in right along with her "My Daddy was from Arkansas!" and she storms off...I love that moment...

It always makes me laugh at Crystal, and Anchonio always looks at me as if to say "WHAT the hell are you laughing at?  You do the same thing..."  And apparently I do.  Countless people have asked me where I come from...after we're done laughing at "My Mom's vagina...you?" it comes down to my explaining I don't know that I don't talk like every single solitary other Californian..apparenlty I don't though...  News to me...really...  My FAMILY however, not all from California...The Aunts (my maternal grandmother's sisters, we call them the aunts) hail from Newton, IA...as does my mother's whole side...  My generation was all born in CA...  Wait...yup, they were.  My grandma and her sisters have a very subtle twang to their speech. 

Speech...  oh my goodness...  Part of why I think I sound a touch different from  most is due to my year in speech therapy.  I don't even remember that poor woman's name except to say that she sat with me every day of Kindergarten and a few days of 1st grade while all the other Kindergarteners were Jazzercising with Mickey and the horrible music coming from the classroom record player.  In 1st grade, I was missing nothing.  If I can't remember it now, it probably wasn't important then, right?  Right.  My Choners had the same affliction!  Really...  he did!  And upon finding we were definitely having a family, we automatically accepted the possibilities ahead...  Speech therapy classes (ME), Asthma (US), bad eyesight (ME), bad teeth (US), childhood obesity (HIM), enlarged heart (HIM)... once we made the list, Antonio decided that maybe kids weren't such a good idea... let's get an animal.  I had a bird once...  ONCE... and now we have two girls.  So guess which experience was more fulfilling? 

Yep. 

I just thought about this on the commute this morning...  As I was talking to my buddy in Vegas... we talk on the way in to work and on my way out everyday...thank you AT&T free mobile to mobile.  And it hit me...  "My Daddy was from Arkansas"...and I just couldn't stop thinking about the speech class and that poor woman that made me say "Bear" and "Girl" over and over again, showing me pictures in her stupid flip book.  I KNOW what a Bear is, dumb ass, I just can't SAY the shit...  let's stay on topic!  It was a different version of the people that YELL at foreigners...Yelling, yeah, it won't make them understand English..  That's why I don't really believe in yelling at kids...  It's not going to make them smarter...  You'll just hurt their little ears.  So if you want to hurt them, make it psychological damage instead.  It lasts longer and the scars and bruises stay on the inside and take years before anyone of importance will notice..haha, just kidding. But not really.

Still working in the somber wake of losing someone we know, we trudge forward towards the weekend which promises family awesomeness.  I hope...  My father in law has ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease...  He is in the final stages and we know we will be losing him soon.  My poor hubby :(  After my coworkers son, I went home last night, kissed my chitlins, hugged the choner's for what felt like forever and thought to myself that my darling Father in law is next because these things happen in threes...they ALWAYS do.  And he pretty much has a reserved table.  This morning I got a call once I got in to work from him that his dad was being admitted to the local chop shop, er, hospital. I haven't gotten a call  yet and I'm hoping no news is good news.  But my being the sole provider, my honey makes odd decisions sometimes about what can and can't wait for me to come home.  Fine, I'll wait.  I'm sure things are fine, fine as they can be for him in this situtation.  We'll see...  other than that, today was pretty status quo...hope for more of the same tomorrow.