"Dirty Mouth? Clean it UP!"...

...Oh Orbit Lady.... PLEASE come through my house!!!  ...And then I wake up... Cause yeah... that's NOT gonna happen. Not no way, not no how...

 

Guess what I did yesterday? Nothing.  I cleaned the kids room with them (by with them of course I mean giving Thing 2 things to keep her busy while I cleaned with Thing 1)...  I can't believe what we were able to clean. I can't believe what she let me get rid of.  Yes LET ME.  I know, I shouldn't let my kid have the say really.  But here's the part about them being far apart.  Thing 1 is at the age when she should be getting rid of baby toys...but we have the baby now...and she is old enough to play with all those toys.  One day, they will be gone, but we just signed a new lease on their life.  If those toys could talk I'd demand some thank yous...  just sayin...

 

Cleaning the kid's room has become somewhat of a "mommy" job.  Sometimes I sell myself on the idea that the chores are perfectly, evenly split up, but they're not.  They're just not.  It's never going to be perfectly even and perfect.  Putting the kid's laundry away is a mommy job.  But I like it.  I like it because I am the one that buys them their replacement clothes...so if I buy the clothes, I should fold them and put them away so I know what's hole-y.  What's shredded, ripped, stained, too small and ready to go.  I like my "mommy" jobs.  I try to do other things, but the only time I have to do things is the weekends, which this weekend was one where daddy worked...  I played with the kiddos yesterday and cleaned and played...we watched movies, had a little friend over, sent the little friend home, and played... Mary slept, I worked on a crochet project (what's with all these breeders lately? I loved it!) and I went to bed a little later than usual cause I wanted to hug and kiss my Choni-baloney before I went to bed.  And then, he did the dishes... He worked, came home at 9:30 after stopping at the store after work, put the food away and did the dishes...  Yeah, that's what I married...  and that's why I strive to be a better person everyday...and that's why last night I went to bed totally depressed.  I am going to have start a personal journal....

 

I need somewhere where I can completely release the crazy inadequacies I feel as the spouse... some of it's pure bullshit.  Some of it is pretty valid... Some of it is just for us.. some of it... like when I have had people tell me that from their end, they don't think Choni does enough... 

 

Yep... people have told me that.  I know what they mean is based on what they see, but you have to be in our house day to day to realize that it's really the other way around...  I play with the kids when I have them... because I am constantly in a state of flux.  I want to clean the house, I want to see them see me clean the house so they can say "wow, what a clean house we have."  But I have some negative semi-repressed memories about having a clean house, which is also probably a serious part of me being "Clean or play?  PLAY!"  Because we did things as a family, but I can't remember a time my mom really PLAYED with  me.  I don't hold it against her or anything, she worked like a fuckin DOG to keep our house up and my dad did, too...  food on the table and a clean house and a few memories here and there of Disneyland, Knott's, picnics, birthday parties.  Lots of snuggly nights at home...  right before bed and after dinner...  very warm and snuggly... but I also remember several times when my OCD dad decided to WASH THE SCREENS instead of go to the park with us, so we made our own fun. 

 

I know people will call bullshit on the fact that I say "well the baby is UP MY ASS"  because it IS difficult to keep your mind ON TASK when a midget is pulling your pants down whilst climbing your leg... so we do what we can, but still... I feel like I should be doing a better job.  Like my house should be immaculate like so many other people's houses are (or maybe they're not and I PRESUME they are)... I guess everyone juggles differently and this is how we juggle... We prioritized, and cleanliness of house has taken a bit of a back burner...sure, I Swiffer... that shit's RAD... but when I dusted my house as a chore when I was a kid, it was a rag and Pledge to the WHOLE shebang and that was all that was acceptable.  My mom could tell when I tickled the house with a feather duster and what did I do the next day?  Re-DID all the dusting I didn't do the day before.... 

 

I guess the point is, I don't  have a clean house... my poor hubby does 95% percent more housework than I do and I play with the kids...  and one day this will change... so I'm going to do my best to enjoy this while it lasts...because one day...the kids won't want a thing to do with me and I'll be cleaning out of necessity to keep my time occupied.  And that's why my house is disheveled and my nails are barely kempt and I sneak in project-ing when the baby naps...oh and I am at my pre baby weight and sustaining because it's too goddamned hot to go outside and walk and my post work work-outs are on hold until Thing 2 gets old enough to NOT get into shit... I'm waiting for Fall basically... or OUR Fall, which starts in late November... I should call this time "Baby Flux"...maybe naming it will help me get out of my head about it...  but see, now that I've said that and put it out there, I feel better already!  Blah...word vomit...and now I am purged!!!  ...and this is what happens when I have too much time to think things...  because this is all bullshit...and I know that...  first world problems eh?  TOTALLY!!!  And this is why I would be a horrible psych patient...  I would do a round of word vomit...and I would be cured...teeheehee...  And one day, I will be looking at a 5 year old Thing 2 and be thinking, "Remember when I didn't have time for things?"...  I remember doing that with Thing 1.  I think she was about 3 when I could just 100% get going on things and she wouldn't be ALL OVER ME...and as much as I sat there enjoying it, I was sad that I wasn't being called for, needed, "bugged"...  It's bittersweet, that moment when you're doing something that you couldn't easily do with a small one around, and then the moment you can... it's ALMOST not as enjoyable it once was.  Because that free time comes at a price...the price of kids growing up...  Circle of life n shit...  kids grow up, we get our "free time" back for what it's worth and we wonder where it all went...  And it's all so incredibly NORMAL...  and now I can move on to the next thing on my list of things to dwell on...what's for dinner??

Two Ships In The Night...

That's us right now...

The job is going so well... even when the equipment doesn't work right, he still likes it cause he's got a good group of guys to work with this year.  His "work girlfriend" isn't around as much, she's only doing her gig part time-ish and his buddy the bat boy is leaving this month... so it's new people all around!!  Which is actually good.  And I'm so glad it's good.  Last year had me worried... that he wouldn't want to go back...  I don't care about the money. Not really... It's nice... don't get me wrong.  But we don't NEED it.  I like to think that takes the pressure off his job.  It truly makes it Sport.

My coworker has been in and out of work and where our department was 5 people when I came into it, then 4...now 3...and temporarily we are at two...barely at two... we are nose and mouth out of water with two...

I know I've said it before, but I'm not the kind of person that NEEDS all this EXTRA time to myself.  First of all, I don't have ANY friends near me.  They are all out of state or county at least...  My little buddies are Thing 1 and Thing 2...  Sometimes Kid Sister comes with me too...  but mostly it's the Things... And Choni... He's my bestie fo shizzle and I miss him so much when he's gone. 

I have plenty of things to keep me busy, but it's always prevalent why I am doing those things is because I have spare time because he's not there...so it's a reminder upon a reminder that I am alone...  And it's only May...  It's good because it makes me appreciate him even MORE than I already do...and I do...  I do so much that I'm thinking of skipping Mother's Day completely this year and doing two Father's Days.

Between work at work and work at home I have been so busy I haven't done much of the "me" things that I need to do... I even forgot to brush my teeth this morning.  That is unacceptable since I have a checkup at the dentist on Tuesday and I brush three times a day...especially when I'm at work.  I usually get in two teeth brushings on the weekends... depending on how the day unfolds...maybe one if I'm lucky...  but I'm into my routine.

Routine is helpful.  I am quite certain I would have to be medicated if I didn't do things in a certain order.  Take the laundry for instance.  I had to do kid laundry...but I can't do the kid laundry until the beds are made so I can have a place to put the laundry and fold it and move it from bed to closet or bed to drawer.  So, first the beds had to be made.  And I can't walk from bed to closet or bed to drawer if the floor's covered in toys.  So basically I created a monster when I made the kids clean their room (Thing 2 basically took blocks in and out of the block bag to help) just so I could do a couple of loads of laundry.  Then, that took all night and then it was bath time and then it was bed time and no laundry was done.  I'm not saying it makes sense.  I'm saying that I couldn't even consider laundry if those things weren't done in that order.  Now, tonight, I will go home...and start the process again.  Except this time, there's no softball practice to make the night shorter.  I know there will be laundry! 

This is early season gibberish... All of this goes away when I find my swing of things... But usually the swing of things doesn't happen until softball is over!  Opening Day is tomorrow and then, before we know it... it's over!  I can't believe how fast it goes!  Which is why I try and do my part and take as much pictures and video as my SD card holds!

I do have things to keep my brain busy, there are always craft projects.  Which reminds me, I have a mother's day project to finish...and that shits coming up fast!!  I like to keep atleast a few projects rolling at once because I might not be in a mood to crochet when I get home.  I might want to make something out of homemade playdough... or I might want to embroider something... or one of my cross stitching projects...or work on Marysu's baby book... I don't always end up with the time to do these things, but when I have a moment to myself and feel the need, I have a plethora to keep my occupied... I still miss my Choni though... 

But life's a trade off isn't it?  Our cars are in great shape (one window doesn't roll down in the civic but hey it's 10 years old what did I expect?)  We got a new fridge c/o SCE's low income energy assist program...  we have fabulous neighbors.  School's almost out!  I might get to see more of Kid Sister this summer... The kids are incredibly great right now... Harley is doing well with school, she is doing all kinds of big girl, big sister, almost 8 year old things.  And the thinks that she thinks are amazing.  I love her amazing brain... Marysu... a guaranteed good time for everyone as long as she is fed. Great sleeper, two two hour naps a day is amazing!  She's such a hammsammich and always laughs and smiles... Unless she's hungry... That kid...she's gonna eat us out of house and home!  I'm just glad I have an eater on our hands!  Harley is doing pretty well with her eating habits.  Which reminds me, I need to go to the store tonight! haha!  Pancake and Sausage breakfast for pre-Opening Day Festivities will be feeding us tomorrow, so that's a good thing!  I don't have to worry about that atleast!  Well, I'm going to wrap it up.  My rice noodle soup has devoured all the water in the bowl and is ready for consumption.  I also have an ice cold Dr. Pepper with my name on it! 

No, literally, I had to write my name on it because these bastards will totally take it from me....

Rule # 32: enjoy the little things...

Obsession?  Or organic Prozac?  Either way, I love me some lip gloss...It's funny the things that make you feel better.  Just little things.  These are just the ones that I keep on me at any given time.  This is isn't even what I have at home...  (evil chuckle)  I can't help myself....  but hey, they get used so they don't go to waste and I figure what's a few dollars here and there if means keeping me out of the looney bin?  Because sometimes, I can sit and think about things and over thinking is something that comes very naturally to me...  If it weren't for things like chapsticks and lip balms shooting that happy feeling through my body once in a while I could go mad.  I don't always have access to the things that make me ecstatic i.e. Choni, Harley, Marysu, Ma...my many, many, many members of extended family...  So, once in a while, on my lunch I'll venture into Wal-Mart or Target and see what's doin in the lip department.  Choni doesn't mind this behavior due to it giving me silky smooth lips. Hah!

This is also one of those things I can control.  When life is throwing me to a whirlwind and isn't going in just one direction, I slow it down a little by just sitting down and thinking, "Can't control this and can't control that...  but... "  and it comes to me.  Maybe a new nail polish is the ticket?  Or chapstick?  My kids make me happy, even when they're being bad...they are being perfectly healthy and bad...  I'll take it... I'll reel in that awful behavior reminding myself I am a Mom who gives a shit or two to do so in the first place and I start to feel better...if Harley does what I say?  I get a false sense of power of Wonder Woman proportions and then I am the one who needs reeling in ;) 
Right about now, I could really use a new chapstick...not really...but YOU know what I mean.
Over the weekend, I cleaned the kids room...again...  I have done that about a hundred times.  Why?  because I can control it.  I can control how clean that room is, how everything is organized... 
Because I can't control my poor hubby's feelings..I can't control my poor father in law's breathing for him so he can come home and say goodbye to us on his own terms. 
So I douched my house :)  And then the dog trapsed through the dining room with muddy paws... 
It's still there...
I moved on ...

I also love food...I try to keep it a luxury as far as the goodies go...and I try to make my own to keep the "processed foods intake" down in our house.  I try to make as much as I can.  I make my own frozen waffles ;)  But food is supposed to fill us with nutrients, not provide entertainment value.  I make a conscious decision each and every day not to find comfort in food, which is hard.  But once in a while...I will indulge in an extra Coke.  I already bring my own Dr Pepper to work so I don't break my bank buying them individually from work.  I DO buy them here though.  One of the few reasons I do so:  To ensure that the vending machine is here the next day!  There are so many things here that we take for granted at my job, I don't want vending machines to become one of them.  So every once in a while I throw my $.85 in there and out pops an ice cold refreshment!  On the weekends, though...the gloves are off! 

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm a simple creature..I'm able to keep it simple by sticking to the small things that bring a smile to my face on a daily basis and sometimes, you can get yourself into a mood where looking at picture of the two most special faces in the world won't do it for you... so...there's always a new flavor of Carmex to bring the good mood in right!  Or pens... have I mentioned the pens???

Food for thought:  The Simpsons Movie is even funnier at 4:47am...