If You Are Going To Be An Asshole At 4:30am You Need To Be Really Cute Doing It...

...So says the demon who came in the window and stole my baby Marysu...

Yeah, that's what was going on in our house... That's fine.  She can have a night or two here and there.  And that's really what it's been.  A night or two here and there.  But come on folks, what do you remember?  Do you remember the nights you got sleep or the nights you didn't?

Just ask Choners... He remembers EVERYTHING.  With exception, he remembers more sleepless nights than not.  But I chock it up to, he's a Dad...

Hey, it's what helps ME sleep at night... bah-dum-ch...

I just remember laying in bed, hearing whining...then the whining stopped.  and the long procession of "Ptththhhththhtht..." began...and apparently, more whining...and then Dad got up... the whining stopped... he laid down... it started again...  He surrendered at Appomatox and the Yanks were cheering... or I shall say... blowing raspberries at the defeated.

Then I get a picture of the Winner...alseep in her high chair... So, really... Winner? or Loser?  I think Daddy lost the battle, but won the war...  muahahahahahaha...

It's little things like this that make being a parent awesome...

Really...

Oh and manipulation...  I don't usually like manipulation.. I think it's sneaky...  I like things straight forward.  But Harley is a brain ninja sometimes... so I have to play dirty.

I needed her to get her work done early so we can go see Nina on Friday while she is town!!  YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!  The usual niceties weren't working... wah-wah-waaahhh...  I wanted the visit to be a surprise... but behold.. My child doesn't really give you the opportunity for surprise.  Something always comes along that causes you to blow the surprise right out of the water.  I have come to accept this for the most part.  So, I finally told her,"Ok here's the deal smarty pants.  You need to do two days worth of your homework packet tonight so that we can go see Nina cause she's in town..." 

The packet is done.

The End.

Kids are awesome dammit...  no matter what anybody says...

There I go, NOT speaking English again...

After repeating myself for the hundredth time to the four hundredth customer, I decided I must not be speaking English...
Amazing, I MUST be a genius...  And I didn't even KNOW IT!
Because why else would so many people ask me so many times if they called the right company?
You'd be surprised how many people don't call the right company...
They meant to call SEARS collections or the phone company in their part of rural Alabama (which is nowhere near me, notice the incredibly small percentage of times you see me type "ya'll")...

If I had a toddler attempting to speak in my house I would get it.
My baby doesn't talk... She doesn't even walk.. yet.  And I stress the "yet".

Marysu is 8 months and some odd days... lets say 8 and a half months and call it a day.  Fine? Fine.  Great, grand, wonderful.

And we're about to close the baby factory.  So all these cute little holy-shit-oh-dear-God things she is doing lately, we are freaking out over.  And Harley is freaking out, too.  Which is cool and all, but I thought I was going to find a finger on the ground when Harley came into the bathroom whilst I was occupying it and said,"Mom you gotta come see this!" 

No finger, it was merely the baby... playing with toys that Harley had set out on the coffee table.  But she was standing on her own, not leaning.  Wow.  That WAS a big'un.  Then last night she did it again, and me n daddy were freaking out.  Then she did the cutest thing ever, she danced.  We were watching Dark Shadows.  You know, good wholesome family viewing.
There is a montage and the song made Marysu dance.  She was standing in front of the coffee table, but was looking alongside it, not across from it.  The TV had her attention, but more so the song that was playing.  Her attention was better paid to the mound of Cheerios on the table.  Her left arm was keeping her balance, her body was faced to the side of the table and her right hand was grabbing Cheerios.  Basically, she was merely using the table as a crutch.  And bouncing.  She was bouncing to the music...  I couldn't believe it.  It was the most adorable thing ever.  And not one damned camera in sight!  What the hell is that about? 

There are so many cameras in my house I couldn't believe there wasn't one to capture this!  And when kids realize you think they are doing something awesome and are scrambling for a picture... they stop.  It's the universal law of children vs. photography of any kind.  So, I got ahold of my phone, and boom... no more dancing.  As if someone hit a button and her brain and body stopped.  Dammit.  Oh well.

Tomorrow we have Saturday "off".  No plans, no trips, no nothing.  I was stunned when I got the news from Choni that we would NOT be doing anything spectacular... Uhm... Okay...  Well, it's cooler.. so what better way to spend a cool day in a small house than to bake cookies!  I went and spent a whole day online checking out recipes for cut out cookies.  What else would you suggest I do with a box of 100 cookie cutters? 

Last year, well, the year before I SHOULD say, we made these cookies and homemade frosting and did the whole shebang.  It was fun AND delicious and Harley has been asking since to do it again.  Well, I had gestational diabetes last holiday season.  I don't recommend that basically... so because my husband is not a dick, he decided against any baking and promised we will doubly make it up this year.

And we already ARE!  Yay!  He got the few missing ingredients, because my cupboards are bake-tastic and tonight I make the dough and fridge it for baking tomorrow.  Then I will set out my little bowls and do different colored frostings so we can make the dinos green and fire trucks red and so on...

It's going to be a blast and I am sure we won't spend ALL day doing it, so I'm trying to figure out what else we can do other than clean.  But the obvious Go To here is clean. 

My house is not clean. It's not clean to my standards anyways.  It's no one's fault but our own.  And by ours I mean MINE.  Last year I was pretty much depressed during the last part of my pregnancy.  Getting the GD during the holidays really messed with me.  My days were so incredibly boring with the eating the same old thing day in and day out, telling time by what I ate and when and taking my blood sugar.  I realize people do this all the time, but I was pregnant and FULL of hormones... WAAAAYYY too many hormones...  My F.I.L was dying...  I wondered if would be able to see Marysu.. I wanted him to so badly.. and he did.  That's an answered prayed... check...  Choni was still trying to get piddly jobs... and he was dealing with his dad and with me and worrying about me and the unborn.  Harley was doing her first year in 1st grade, her first year with REAL homework and REAL schoolyard play and what-not.  I stopped caring about the house... Choni tried so hard to keep up with everything.  Things are okay, but I used to keep the house up better when I cared.  So now, baby is out, we are getting a new routine going now that we are not rushing to the inlaws every weekend to spend time while we have it.  It's more like, we go to keep Gma company.  And soon she won't necessarily require that anymore...  like tomorrow.  She is SO busy with things she is doing we are skipping our weekend trip.

That is really good news.  That means she is coping really well...  Which is great... I am so happy for her.  I am happy for me too, cause now I clean my house...  a step at a time. I am not climbing Everest in a day.  We need to clean the inside and outside of our windows, I need to clean out the tracks of the sliding windows and doors... I need to mop and sweep and vacuum, but into the cracks of things.  I can't tell you the last time the "cracks" were done.  It's been awhile.  I used to get in the bathrooms and scrub the floors on my hands and knees... Haven't done that in a while...

I wonder how I did all this the "last time"... you know, with Harley.
Well, I didn't.
I lived with my in-laws and everything was, "Oh no, you sit there, I'll do it..."
"Oh no, I'll change the baby, you finish up whatever you were doing..."
and so on.
It was awesome... and I didn't have to do any of my own housework until Harley was a year old and we moved.  Then I started cleaning again.  But Harley at 1 year is NOT the same as any Harley before. 

I figured it would happen this way, so I haven't been letting it get to me too badly.  I used to clean the house on the days that Harley went to Gma and Gpa's house and spent the night.  But she doesn't do that anymore, I'm not sure how that's going to work, but we'll figure it out.  Now I need to do what most people do...figure out how to clean the house with both kids in the house :)  Yay!  Ahem, Sarcasm...

But as with all things, we'll figure it out.  We always do...and I know that.  Which is another reason why I try not to let things bother me like they do.  Because we always figure it out.  And now that I have said that twice too many, I will look forward to the day when I can set the kids down to do what will keep them busy long enough to clean something... it's coming soon I can feel it. 

I already put the baby gate up in their room and locked Harley and Marysu in there to play.  It worked pretty well until Marysu realized I wasn't in there with them anymore.  That was not happy making for her.  I went in there and cleaned and it worked pretty well that way.  SO now I know I can tackle their room with them in there.  Battle: WON!! 

It seems like we are days from Mary's 1st bday.  It's her fault.  She's growing up too damned fast...  Dammit...  She eats foods...  she has 6 teeth... she stands... she tries to walk...  she baby-babble-talks...  I almost want to tell her to "get up and get it yourself"...  She wore an actual outfit for the first time yesterday because it was cold for the first time yesterday...  she looked so grown up **sad face** 

Now that I have gone on way too long...  I leave you with this...  Marysu's dance song...

The Difference between Adventurist and Masochist...

Interesting start to the week...  Not going to work.

Why do you ask?  Was there a holiday you missed?

No... unless getting zero sleep on account of a teething baby is considered a holiday... Maybe in Sweden... Those fuckers are weird... Or is it the Swiss?  Maybe it's the Swiss...

Miss Marysu decided that sleep is overrated when you're whole head hurts from teething...  I can't really disagree with her.  I would rather it be Friday or Saturday night and agree... Not Sunday...  I have a lot of sick days ahead of me.  I totally used one and I couldn't have been better for it than I am now.  It was a great idea.

I must say, every time we have started to discuss and have state-of-the-union type converstations about things, the man and I start to have these odd instances occur that just about cut into stone the decision we are trying to make. 

Do we get a new car?  I don't know, lets think about it... Meanwhile the old car dies... so yes, we do! 

Do we buy a house?  Well, the market crashed sending home prices into a downward spiral of depression era proportions and laying off the man so we made less and qualified for a low income loan...  Okay then...  if you insist!

...And the beat goes on...

The lastest?  Family size... We are thinking we are a family of four and that is IT...  We have been talking about us and our two girls long before there were two girls...and now they are here and I couldn't imagine life without them.  We feel like we are starting the rest of our lives...not like we've been  sitting around with our thumbs up our asses or anything, but there have been things that seemed like they would be more complete with ALL members of our family present, and we are now "there" and it's awesome!  I couldn't be more thrilled...So we made the appointment last week for the consult for the "Big V"... an affordable procedure that will hurt like hell for a few days be a simple out patient day of extra strength Tylenol and Advil.

So what happened??  Oh, well, apparently the little Baby Sandman skipped my house on Sunday... But I trapped the fucker and made him do his job last night and I am here at work, breaking and worry free due to plenty of sleep.

At the first appointment yesterday when our GP asked Antonio if he was sure... wow, I've NEVER heard my honey answer a question so quickly and assertively.  I was proud of him :)  And it was YES.  Not just YES, but HELL YES... 

I am not a gambler by any means and it does NOT comfort me when people say "Maybe the NEXT one won't 'this' or 'that'..."  Maybe unicorns will appear and pigs will fly...  and the marshmallow rain that Harley prays for will finally come...  I am not rolling the dice on the fact that the next kid WON'T keep us up with bad teething.  It's not every night, but when it happens, it's bad.

Come on people... don't shove rainbows up my ass.  My little sister asks me all the time, "Are babies hard?"  And I am honest and truthful...  "FUCK yes they are!"  The funniest thing?  Marysu IS a great baby...she's fantastic... On a pie chart it would be 95% awesome and 5% crazy due to teething and that 5% has taken place in the past month...  that's some jacked statistics if you do the math.  No baby is 100% stress free... You show me one and I'll tell you those assholes are talking about a doll... or a dog... it could be a dog.

Harley was sickeningly fantastic.  She WAS a perfect baby... only 99.1% because of the day she got her 9 month shot and she had a fever and cried screamed for three hours straight.  The house was echoing so badly I went outside and the neighbor asked what was wrong... SHOTS...  I got the, "Oh, yeah those days..." eye roll from the older lady who went back in her house, glad that she didn't have to deal with that anymore... whore.

And that was all the crazy baby business we had with Harley...  literally.

I couldn't deal with harder than this.  I am not wonder woman.... and I didn't marry superman.  He THINKS he's Batman, but that's a whole different thing altogether.  Again I quote "The definition of insanity is attempting the same thing over and over again expecting a different result..."  I am not going to insanely have another kid just so I can prove to myself that "It's not that bad..."  I am having more fun that not, but I am still not happy about the "not" part and can't wait for Marysu to get over the teeth hump.  I am sad about the gums being gone.

That gummy smile made my day so many times, but it's evolution people.  It happens, they get older and we are to embrace it.  I don't want more so I can see those gummy smiles again.  That's what pictures are for.  And I am making damn sure I have plenty of pictures so I can have a good long look and be done.

It may seem that I am trying to convince myself of something...I am trying to convince myself not to choke to death the next person that looks at my like I told them my dog died and not "We're done, Mary's the last of the babes...".  Plus, it was hard on me and Antonio.  I've never seen him worry so much about so many things all at once and I just don't want to go through that again...  It's time for phase 3, "The rest of our lives"...  I can't wait...and first we start with family road trips a plenty!  It's a really exciting time for us...  I do realize, that there is a possibility that the "V" won't work...  I have a new baby cousin because of such...  but still... I know it will work for us.  Because Antonio has never dreamt of 3 kids... That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  We have done this twice now, we're good.

Let the adventure commence! 

Engage...

The One Where We Think We Are On The Travel Channel ...

It’s usually around the 3^rd try (which is NOT always the charm) of trying to scan something into my system that I decide a break is in order.  How does that go?  Insanity by definition is the act of attempting the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?  Something like that…and who wants to be defined as insane?

Not I said the fly.

I’m not really sure what I intend to mention here…

Maybe just some fact mentioning…

I got a new laptop.  We are still without full internet access: a) I am boycotting major providers because the only ones available to me are fascists… b) the cost…  I was hoping I would be inspired to do any type of intriguing posts on the laptop and post it later at work.  Well, I am now probably going to shitcan that idea ever-so-temporarily.  We are currently in the throes of getting back to our daily Daddy’s-not-working lives.  I do less shopping for recreation.  And usually it will take until right before Christmas for us to start doing very different things when I get home from work.  As it is with the wee one, things are slightly different.  I get home and I get the kids. 

The objective of the night: 9pm bedtime.

Not too farfetched.  It gives us 1 hour of Mom/Dad time before optimum parent bedtime is achieved.  We have a high success rate.  Success rate tends to be higher when we don’t go anywhere.  I realize that sounds bloody lame, and boring, and unexciting, and the opposite of awesome.  But we are super savers and tend to get off on watching our bank accounts climb J and climb J 

I must say, we do have quite a “rest of the year” planned considering that fact…

And not to mention what we already did…  Had the baby…that’s A… we had a great week when the Ninas came out.  Then there was my trip to my cousins with the kids…drove the van.  No flying.  Then there was the ever present big birthday bash for Thing 1.  We still have a wedding up north to attend, and more up north family fun in December to ring in a 50^th wedding anniversary.  And we are totally going to these events because family is #1 J We have already planned Spring Break in the Emerald City because the Ninas are bomb… and Harley has been asking to go back there.  She wants to show her sister her favorite town (other than her own of course)…  It’s been two years since Choners has been up there and he wants to go so it seemed fortuitous that the baseball season does not start at home this year, but away…for the first time in what will be 6 seasons… 6 seasons man… whoa... I can’t believe he’s been doing this gig that long… J  So we are happy campers!  The wee one…she will be unfazed… well, maybe not entirely.  She might be slightly fazed by the 18 hr car ride.  18 hrs with a 14 month old.  Yeah, we live on the EDGE!

What was my point?  Oh yeah, super savers!!!  The mode is on…NOW.

Generally I park myself with the kiddos when I get home because I miss them sooo much!  And daddy has his manly things to attend to…trash taking out, dish doing, dinner cooking, laundry folding… things of that sort.  And I would do all these things, but he just about THROWS them at me... How do I argue with that?  Hehehe…

"How To" tip of the day: 

if someone is hovering and you want them to go away...  Share the last diaper changing experience you had...  you can thank me later.

Deep Thoughts.... by Harley Quinn

Interior: Home: Evening

A baby is in the high chair, it's mother feeding the nightly dose of baby food.  An older child makes their way through the dining room to the back door.

Mom: Come on little one, eat!

-the baby is fascinated with the family dog and will not eat, but continues to gawk and coo at the dog.

Mom: Come on, EAT!  Hellooooo....~snaps her fingers, bangs a hand on the high chair tray in attempt to get the baby's attention.~Marysu, the dog is NOT that interesting.

Harley: Mom, I think I know why the dog is interesting to Marysu.  It's because the dog has four legs and it's FREAKING HER OUT!


... and there you have it folks... dogs freak kids out...and babies can count to 4.

♪♫Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...♫♪~or~ The One Where I Quote David Bowie...

It's official,  we now have ourselves a sitter/crawler/stander pull-herself-up-er.  We now have a barricade in our living room that would give any good Fire Marshall nightmares for a month.  We went out and retrieved "big girl" carseats.

Now we enter one of my favorite awkward phases of babyhood:  NO!!

I knew it was coming, I just hoped we would have a little more time.

Apparently, I was wrong.  That's okay, not the first time...

And little miss teether is opening our eyes to a part of kiddom that we did not encounter with Thing 1...  chewing on everything... and everything going into the mouth.

We didn't have to deal with this the first time at all...  It was quite bizaar and I didn't realize it until this one started to put every single thing in her mouth that I realized:  This is NEW!!  Oh great...  So needless to say, the infant seat is a memory and we are using the new carseats... which means no carrying apparati to run her around in.  We are going to use shopping cart seats now...  Oh yay... one thing comes to mind.  GERMS!!

I am going to FOLD like origami...  I am going to get one of those cloth thingies that you put the baby in so they are comfy in the cart and high chairs at the restaurants... Yep, I'm gonna get one.  I didn't get one with Harley... There are just some things that I felt were gadget-for-gadgets-sake and I was able to keep our baby moments simplistic.  Well, there ARE a lot of gadgets out there...but I think those cloth things are cute...and I want one.  So there. 

I realized, there are a lot of things I have pandered to this time 'round... And on a psychological stand point I already know it's because this is our last.  There is something to be said when you find yourself staring down The Tunnel of The Last Kiddo... 

Sometimes I wish we weren't so gauldarn goddman logical and realistic about things.  If we had gotten the three bedroom house for more  money I would have my kids in their own rooms and a room for another if need be... then I would easily be able to tell myself, Oh we can squeeze another in, and forget about the sleepless nights with ease...and the GD...  Uhm...  I can't ever forget about the gestational diabetes and I won't ever let myself go through that again... 

Therefore, I am really glad that we have a small house, less to clean...  that's A).  B) less to heat and cool in summer and winter.  Big point for us where we live.  HUGE point.  Considering I had to budget for our cooling bill back in spring time to make sure we cover our utilities.  It's been triple digits all summer and we have a baby.. yeah no.  I'm not playing with that... not even a little.

I have had every size house there is...  I have CLEANED them all.  Have you ever vacuumed 4500 sq/f of house?  I have... I have lugged a Kirby up and down stairs at the behest of an anal retentive mother.  NOPE.. NO two story house for me.  Luckily, Choners spent 15 years in a two story house...  he was not a fan...  I live in such a catch 22 of sorts...  and I am glad.  I created this madness because I know myself... I know my hubby..  We are enjoying this last bundle of joy so much because we know she's the last... it kinda makes her more special for us.  Harley was special because she was first.. Marysu is special because she is last.  Not that people that have more than 2 kids don't make them special... but I mean us in our situation... I am glad it is this way.  Doesn't mean I can't long and miss once in a while.  I'm not there yet, but I know I will be one day.  I wouldn't say I am "there" now, I am just acknowledging that it's coming... 

Never said I made sense people.

Also, I never really understood people getting SO many tattoos... stick with me on this...

I talked to a couple of people that have several...SEVERAL... and they all say different things that makes them want more...like the sitting in the chair, the anticipation, the buzz of the needle, the adrenaline rush from the pain... all that I've heard... 

Well, I guess all I'll miss is the anticipation of finding out you're pregnant...the two lines on the test popping up...  The waiting for the sex of the baby...  the stuff of course...  the prepping... rushing to the hospital...  checking out with the baby and going home with an additional family member...  But I will have so many firsts with my girls, I'm sure that I'll forget about all that stuff in time.  One day I'll realize that I haven't thought of that stuff in years and I don't care anymore... 

So many changes...  I'm ready for some good ones... I'm ready to ring in a New Year and put some of this 2012 business behind me!!

Boredom Warning!! I'm talking kiddos...

I just felt the need to give some people fair warning:  and here I go...

Everyone has a different school of parenting... I like to think I take some old school and some new and have created some what of a mash up... but see...  the thing that is crucial to understand there is... that's what I did for ME.  MYSELF...  all I can ever do is put out there into the void what I did that worked for me, in my situation, and for my kids...  and leave it at that.  The thing is, it works.  When I hear someone talking about something they are doing...and it's not working...and this person is trying to give ME advice... Uhm...  No.  I'll listen...  I'll be courteous.  I am NOT going to go rush home and try this crazy nonesense.  Heh...  Just had to get all that out. 

Moving right along... (dum-e-dum-dum-e-dum)... 

My kids... sheesh... So similar and yet so incredibly different.  It's just going to keep me more fascinated with them as they grow more into their own people.  I could create a spread sheet/pie chart/flow chart and the point would be the same.  We are trying everything til we find what works.  Of course, spooning into our sea of history with the oldest, and my niece and nephew and lil sis, we have quite a few experiences to start with and move from there.  Funny thing is with the wee one... I never thought we'd stop on what works and land on the things that do the trick...  Some more sense making: 

With Harley, she could eat and drink anywhere, anytime, anyplace and no schedule was required.  She was fine on the non-plan plan.  Marysu... pretty much the same.  She needs naps for sure or she gets grumpy on us... but it doesn't matter when or how.  If she's tired, she crashes.  As long as it doesn't affect her eating schedule.  That is what she needs to keep normal.  When she eats her meals.  Bottles... eh...  Food... oh so very important.  Fine.  We can do that.  Which brings me to the biggest bummer from last night.

We get home from a pitstop at Target just to look around and be in a cool place...  Sadie has eaten our loaf of bread.  Yep... so of course I clean up the mess straight away.  Usually I can leave Marysu in the seat for a few minutes after we enter the house.  This allows me to make a bathroom break before "home time" officially begins.  She wasn't having it this time though.  I thought, "Great, she can't leave my sight now.  We are 'There'".  But no, she just wanted out.  And I saw a few things on the floor I didn't want her to come into contact with, Harley needed dinner, I needed dinner, Marysu needed dinner, the dog needed to go outside... yadayadayada...  In my swift fashion, I decided to try the play pen... it NEVER worked with Harley... EVER...  First time for everything though right?  I threw the babe in, Harley tossed her some toys and proceeded to clean the living room (she did a bang up job), I cleaned the dogs mess and she was outside for the rest of the evening as a result of her idiocy... 

I was able to make my dinner and Harley's dinner in the time that Marysu was in the playpen...the bummer part?  I HAD to remove her from her cage of fun because it was her dinner time...and I KNEW that if she missed her dinner time... Daddy would have a bad night... or morning.. however.. it's dark. 

The switch from the play pen to the high chair was made.  Squash, sweet potato, apple, carrot mashup was served with rice cereal for texture (also VERY important for this little girl) and the giant bowl of food was devoured...
The rest of the bummer...she would not return to the play pen.  Running amuck on the carpet ensued and the dog was let in for no other reason than to entertain Marysu.  Harley played with her Zoobles...  watched Cartoon Network...  I had seconds on my dinner.. put away baby clothes... and we called it a night around 9:30...  I picked up the living room from the Hurricane Harley and straightened up a bit.  I had lunch stuff to ready for the morning and to bed I went.  "Cookie's Fortune" on in the background so I could fall asleep sans Choners... 

Well, people... That in a nut shell is a typical night in our household.  Especially when the Daddy is working.  The food changes, the movie at night changes...sometimes I take a shower before bed, sometimes I don't... 

If anyone ever wonders why I don't post day to day.. cause that's it... really.. 

Unless I want to get really motherly on this thing. 

Then I would bring you up to date on the kiddos right now and have something to build from.

Harley: starts 2nd grade on Monday.  Cheese n rice people...  really? 
Lost two bottom teeth... Her muppet hair doesn't grow... so we cut it.  Now, we don't have to trim it for a really long time and it doesn't get rat's nest tangled anymore.  Yay!  She likes anything as far as toys and things of that nature go.  She shouts out preferences if you ask her.  But she's happy with whatever you give her...for now...  I'm waiting.  Patiently.  Feeding her is a new adventure every day and the small battles are won and lost...but me and Dad are winning the war.

Marysu: 7 months as of next wednesday.. what the hell?  Two bottom teeth came in already.  She crawls, she sits, she pulls herself up already.  I'm so not okay with that.  But she has a big sis and a dog to keep up with...what was I expecting?  A perpetual newborn?  Soon she will be out of her infant seat and I already have carseats scouted.  I would have bought them already because I love them, but Daddy had a great point... Where the HELL would I put them exactly?  Hhmm, damn him and his perfectly good logic. 

So them's the kids...  I could make a whole blog about "Shit my kid says"...  Harley and her brain...  which is what she says a lot... "Mom it's not me... it's my brain..."  Which comes out "Bwain"... and makes it so much cuter.

Okay so this is completely turning into randomness and I need to go anyway...  The most important thing right now is my awesome mechanice did my smog and did it so fast that I didnt' have anything with me to pay for it so what is he doing?  Letting me pay tomorrow when I take my other vehicle in... Thank God for small favors :)

And sleeping babies...sleeping babies are great!!

If I had a nickle for every time I attempted to start and finish a new post... I'd have a shitload of nickles...

...And all I can think of is how glad I am at this moment that you can't smell breath over the internet...  My next book will be called "Coffee:  it's whore-ish tendencies to ruin my fantasticness..."
Moving right along...
Seriously, if I had a nickle for EVERY SINGLE TIME I opened up my page, attempted a post...and deleted it... I'd be a rich bitch...  just sayin...

I haven't even written in my personal journal in over a month...  Actually; hold please...

June 20th...  that was the last entry...  There is maybe one person reading this and scratching their head at how odd that sounds...so much time between entries...and this is a person who, after high school, would call me and say "So, what did I do for New Year's, '98??"  And yes... I would be able to answer.  Sad but true... 

And the last entry was about how our uncle went missing...and he was recently "found"...  I did not finish that entry... it stops mid page...

 It's a sad, tragic story and all I can say is...he will be missed. 

Especially by the children in his life.  Tio was a big hit with the kids.
I wanted to get up and say something at his service, but there was a lot going on and I just wanted the day to end...  for some reason it was harder for me to do the "Celebration of Life" thing that day...  I know why...  but it's none ya bidness... 

What I would have said was this:

I will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart for Tio...  for what he did for my wonderful F.I.L....  (see what I did there?) 
When Felipe got sick, Tio came out... NO questions asked.  "Bro needs me? DONE!"  Cause that's the kind of guy he was.  The very first time I met him was at Tita Carmen's funeral.  I didn't see him again until he came out to care for his brother... 

The first time I went to the house to re-introduce ourselves to this long lost uncle, Thing 1 was asking her Gma for something...  and annoyingly I might add.  Because at Gma and Gpa's anything goes.  Well, with Gpa not really able to much anymore, I was really getting on the little one to start doing things herself.  Get your own snacks, take yourself to the bathroom (she milked that one DRY I tell you) and so on...

Well, on this particular day, Gpa turns to his brother and says "Hey, Mija wants to play with her playdough... Play with her." 

Now, if this was most families, I'm sure Gpa would have been met with a certain amount of cynicism...  or something opposite of what happened...

Without hesitation or question... Tio disappeared up into the girliest of girl rooms, and came down with the playdough set in tow...  And he sat there, with his bad knees, and played with her until his brother needed him for something...then he came back and continued on playing...  He gave his great niece something that day... he gave her back her grandpa time that she was already starting to miss because gpa couldn't play and move around like he used to with her.  And they played ALOT...  so she noticed when he had to stop.  But that day...  she got her grandpa back...  and many days after.

I wanted to cry...that was so awesome...

And I wanted to cry last night too...

Sitting on the couch, thing 2 draining a rice bottle...  nice evening air flowing through our little house... (I'm setting a scene here bitches) watching re-runs of The Wonder Years...  Harley cleaned the living room of her Hiroshima like proportion of toy explosion and came out of her room...  disappeared into my room... she doesn't DO that... like EVAH...  Came out with the paper from Tio's service in one hand...and her Gpa's in the other.

I lost it.

She already had little tears in her eyes...

One thing is for sure. I am in a whole new league here.  I did NOT know loss like that when I was her age.  I know that my hubby didn't either.  So... as to what to do in this situation?  We are winging it like a bastard cause we are at a loss as to how to handle it.

One more short story about Tio...kinda...

The kiddo has a lion named Leo...  Tio's name is Leo...

She thought that maybe that's too many Leo's...she changed his name to Larry. 

His name is Leo again...

♪♫Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs...♪♫♪

And it's true!!  Like this:

"Hi, I'm your computer.  I don't want to be here today!  You're Fucked!!"

that is a sign that I am not supposed to work right now...that little box does a lot of damage to my computer..  so...here is more on "signs"...

My hubby has a touch of the gift?  Did I tell you that?  He has fortelling dreams... Did I tell you that?  

My mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had a masectomy, lost her hair, the whole nine.  Twas a very hard time for the family and showed me what a powerful family I would be entering into.  This was right after we moved out into our own apartment...  We had been together for two and a half years, we were engaged, we just moved into our own apartment and Choni had a dream that all of his teeth were pulled...but they were given back to him in a container.  And he took them home and showed his parents.  But when he looked at his mom...he couldn't really see her.  She was all blurry.
It was somewhere in the next few days that we found out her diagnosis.
He had a dream that he lost a tooth...  and Grandma Carmen died.
He had another dream he lost a tooth... and Grandma Emilina died.

He knew we would have two girls... he knew how far apart they were going to be... he just KNEW.

He had a dream that all of his teeth were pulled...and he didn't get them back... and then his dad called us in the middle of the week and wanted to make SURE we were coming that weekend.  Well, we had plans that weekend, but his dad never called and MADE sure we were coming so I said yes we were.  I told Choni his dad called and needed to talk to us.  Then he told me about his dream... and we knew it was bad news...  So we had to skip our plans and show up to confirm the news.  Even though we were pretty sure, I still sunk like a rock when he laid it on us. 

So when Choni tells me he had a dream... I listen.  I listen very closely.  We aren't always able to figure it out rightaway... or 100% correct, but after a few of these things... we are doing a pretty good job. 

He had a dream two weeks ago that his dad came to see him.  There was a lot going on  in the dream that didn't make sense, but what he really focused on was that his dad was there to tell him that he was alright, that things are very organized where he was and that Choni was the only one that could see him so stop toeing my leg and trying to wake me.  (I remember the leg pushing with his toe...  he was a having a doozy of a dream)...  But what he couldn't understand was why his dad had red blotches all over him.  So he read up in his dream book and thought about it.  It meant that there would be great worry and possible regret. 

Well, a day or two later, unbeknownst to us, his Tio Leo went missing...he's still missing...  that is the great worry.  I think the great regret may lie in our living situation.  See, we bought our house to set down roots in a new place that was near to everyone.  We have lived around all the cities here and we liked Hemet best.  Mostly because we didn't know anybody.  That had it's appeals to both of us for many reasons.  I also like the layout better than any other city and after I drove him around there a few times, he agreed.  If we had known that his dad would be sick and need care... we wouldn't have bought the house.  We wouldn't have left Elsinore.  We would  have stayed...but stubborn ol grandpa... he had been feeling badly for several years.  And he was just too stubborn and proud to admit that he wasn't feeling 100% to go to the doctor.  So the regret is that we regret we didn't know sooner that he was sick.  Then we would have lived there...and we would be with Yvonne now..and she wouldn't be alone wondering what happened to Tio Leo...and there wouldn't be detectives in her house...  But then again...who's to say?  Of course, once this whole thing blows over with whatever outcome is in our future...we won't feel that way probably.  But right this minute, we do. 

It's unnerving not knowing where someone is... someone you care about...  even if they somewhat bring it on themselves.  I'd rather give him hell and yell at him when he turns up than the alternative that might also be presenting itself later. 

All we can do now is pray he is ok wherever he is and hopefully he surfaces.  He's disappeared several times before and resurfaced...but even a cat only has 9 lives...

♪♫Summertime...and the living is easy...♪♫♪

It's summer!  And even though the Storm season started back in April, I still call it my "Single Parent Summer"...  And I only feel it during those times that Choners has his Storm games back to back to back...and I mean 7 days in a row at the most.  They usually don't take up more of his time than that, but that's enough for me.  In case you haven't realized it yet, I am totally spoiled.  I got my honey all to myself when it was fall, winter and part of spring.  I lose him on average 14 days a month 5 months a year.  I know that's nothing to some people, I realize that.  I said to someone earlier this week, everyone has their own private hell to live through for whatever reason that is.  Mine is the summer.  For a few reasons actually.  First and foremost, I HATE the heat.  HATE it with the fire of the thousand suns that beat down on So Cal during July, August, and September.  I don't throw the H word around much, but when we're talking hot weather?  Abso-tude-a-lutely.  Second reason, I don't like the fact that I lose my honey 14 days a month during the summer.  Well, I DO..and I don't... I don't like it because I'm cheesey and I miss him... I miss him cause I'm spoiled by having him around so much.  And I don't even really like that addage "You don't know what you have until it's gone..."  I know what I have, that's why I don't want it to be gone... Third reason I don't like summer: Everyone's birthday is in summer...  Thing 1, Choni, his mom, mine, my sister, her kids, my uncle...OY...
I must say though, the good that it does having Choni work nights in the summer is it gives Harley and I time together.  Well, now it's Harley, Marysu and I.  Fine fine.. no problem there.  Harley gets to watch any movie she wants, we have dinner, they get cleaned up, they go to bed.  Everyone's happy.  I attempt some small chore to be done to make me feel like I didn't completely waste my time and make Choni feel like he's not the only one keeping the house up.  Cause you know...he kinda is.  heh...  I feel uber accomplished by getting two loads of laundry and dishes done by the time he gets home from the game.  A bottle in the fridge for when Miss Marymonster wakes him up for her early morning wares... Doing these things for my family makes me feel so good at the end of the day.  It's a complete success if I'm able to sneak in a quick shower...even if it's just a rinse off.  In the summer, I always make time for the rinse off.  Cause yea, YUCK!!  So I am facing down the barrel of the single parent summer part 5.  The first was the worst.  I have gotten used to it by now, I definitely don't let it get me as down as it did that first year.  But that was a hard year for a lot of reasons...  In that year, we moved, Ma got divorced with which there was back lash to deal with, Choni still had his job, so the Storm was his second job and took him away completely for that summer...then he lost his job and the Storm season ended at the same time.  I am thinking that basically any summer since has been monumentally better!  I actually know for a fact that it has...but maybe this one can go down in the lower portions being the first summer without my father in law around... still dealing with that one...  It's going...  not sure HOW it's going yet, but it's going just the same.  Not a day goes by without "I miss my Grandpa..." coming from Thing 1's mouth.  Pobracita...  and so forth...  Now, I get to exit my place of employment and trade it for screaming little girls in Navy and Gold hair bands hitting bright green softballs off of a tee... Yay summer!!!  Don't forget your sunscreen!

**countdown to winter begins...NOW...

You Must Be THIS Crazy to Ride This Ride...

I find extreme irony in the fact that Choni is always telling me that I have a high tolerance for crazy... Maybe that's how he views it.  I definitely have a capacity for only so much in my life, but I wouldn't necessarily consider that a high tolerance.  I know he mostly chronicles that to the years spent dealing with the exstep's semi bi-polar antics...but that's not IT.  I know he means work situations and dealing with retail workers.  We each were one of those once... I don't see the problem there.  And I always tell people when I meet them that if they are going to get all crazy business on me, I'm done.  Cause I know I have a capacity for crazy  and necessity takes precident so there you have it... 
I have in fact utilized this tact, and I must say; am better for it, I feel.  I was always wondering "You know I SAY this to people, and to myself...but do I really mean it?"  Well, I proved to myself that I very much DO mean it.  And you know, now that I have LESS crazy in my life, I guess that capacity has a lot more leg room.  When we are in a restaurant, or a store, or Harley's school and people are getting weird around us...Choni wants to bolt...I hang..  that's where he gets that "High tolerance for crazy".  I CUT someone out of my life for their crazy...  and I almost had to do it again, but luckily things took a turn for the much, much better and we didn't have to go down that road.  Then, I REALLY did have to cut some crazy out, and DAMN it felt GOOD!!
So that being said... I wonder how he puts up with me!  If Choners claims he has no room for crazy...  I must have a very different perception of myself than he does.  Cause I thought for SURE...I would fit in that very category...what with my never ending collection of chapsticks and lip balms...my pen collection that would keep a small army writing for years...  and my...well, how many cameras DO I own now??  I couldn't even tell you...And typewriters!  Did I mention the typewriter collection??  Yeah..I have one of those...but so does Tom Hanks so it's okay...  Moving on...  All the caps I have brought home from work...  Granted..the man has a plastic arsenal on the wall of our spare room lovingly dubbed his "man cave"... but I digress.
I often wonder WHERE I would be if he had the same rule I did...turns out he kinda does...but luckily, the crazy people HE knows are SO crazy they straight up forget he exists so he doesn't have to interface with them and everybody wins!  yay!  It's one of those moments I know I have something really special cause he loves me just the way I am...and damn...  what does that say about him??  haha, just kidding...but not really...  I think we're both pretty nuts but it's that really good kind that goes together like peanut butter and marshmallow creme... mmmmm... 
I mean come on, what with our neverending capacity to remember movie quotes..and who was in what and what else did they do with their lives?  That's where the crazy comes together...  And even Harley is picking up on some of those such things..  "Hey that's the same guy as 'this' movie..." and so on...  oh no... is she going to be the "weird" kid in class??
Atleast she's not the smelly kid...  I couldn't let my kid be the smelly kid...

The Death Of Speedy Gonzales/Mephistopheles

As is with all things in my mind, I start off with one thought, and it snowballs radically into something completely different which always brings me back to my childhood.  I don't even remember how it started, but somehow Harley and I got on the subject of pets.  Apparently, she is tired of the dog.  She's six and has the attention span of a gold fish.  Fine, I expect nothing less...  I would be worried, actually, if that weren't the case. Moving right along...

I grew up with lots of different pets.  We had: Cats, birds, fish (saltwater and freshwater variety), dogs, mice, guinea pigs, there was a lizard once, I had a turtle for about 3 days once, a monkey, and rabbits.  Not all at once, my mom would have thrown herself from the roof...  But we had run the gamut on animals.  That being said, it is still fresh in my mind all the maintenance and chores involved.  Harley however, does NOT know of such things and doesn't understand why she can't have a hamster.  She wants one really badly.  I keep saying no.  I keep saying that we have a dog AND a baby and that's enough for now.  Maybe after the dog is gone, we will talk about something else.  Now she is trying to explain how she doesn't want the dog anymore, she wants a hamster so we should just give the dog away and I explained to HER that it doesn't work that way, we didn't take the dog in so she could just decide on a whim that we didn't want her anymore (yes I say whim to my six year old).  Then I got to thinking, we don't have room for any caged animals.  It's a fact.  We don't.  We bought a small house on purpose, we knew that these days would come and now we have no choice BUT to say no.  Unfortunately, as a kid, I was actually really happy with having animals.  I really enjoyed their company and there is just something so fulfilling about having them around.  Whether it's a bird that you won't necessarily "play" with or a cat that's around and hides all the time...it's comforting. 

But then....there was Speedy...

When I was 8, my sister had a mouse...and then, she got another one.  She had TWO!  And they were HERS!  And I couldn't play with them!  EVER!  I was devastated!!  So, of course, all I wanted for my birthday was a mouse.  That's all I wanted.  Just a mousey.  My mom had converted one of her fish aquariums into a mouse condo for my sister's mice and she said we could just throw my mouse in there.

One August day, Ma and I piled into her Celica and drove to the pet shop in Huntington where we were going for our mice.  I picked out the spotted one.  We had males already, we need another one.  We got another male, and he was white with black spots and he was the smallest one there.  I thought he was perfect!  I was so excited...in fact I was TOO excited.  We got into the car, and I sat there with the brown paper bag in my lap...anxious.... Too anxious...  I thought I would just grab a peek of the little guy, my new little mousey...  Unfortunately, the SECOND I peeked into the bag, he JUMPED out of the bag! And proceeded to run around the little car!  My mom threw the car into a parking lot and we sat there looking for the sucker.  He was so damned fast, we couldn't catch him!  He zipped all over that damn car! He decided to settle up by the accelerator pedal.  Peeking his head out through the carpeting, he begins taunting us.  Until finally, Ma, the animal charmer, grabbed his little ass and threw him into the bag.  She crumpled the thing up so much I thought she squished him, threw the bag at me and said,"Don't you open that bag until we get home!".  Yes Ma'am!!  I named him Speedy Gonzales...  I thought it was fitting...  notice how you don't see any of those cartoons on anymore...

We get home, threw him in the cage. Fine.  A month goes by, we are in school...  Ma is home on a weekday, sometimes she had a weekday off, and she goes upstairs and sees my mouse...Standing on his hind legs with his little hands on the glass squeaking at her.  My Ma used to work in a Pet Store, MMkay...  she knew a thing or two about meeces...  And that was no bueno.  She goes over to the aquarium and thinks, how strange that the other mice are nowhere to be seen...odd..right?  Well, she somehow decided she needed to investigate the missing persons and finds my sisters mice dead, buried in the sawdust underneath the water bowl and food bowl.  One under each.  Speedy just kept squealing.  Ma decided that he was in fact possessed by the devil and that she should just toss the whole tank in the garbage...so she did.  I think it was even garbage day or something because that tank wasn't in the trash by the time sis and I got home from school...

So brought the end to the devil Speedy Gonzales...

And Harley wants to know why I don't want rodents in my house...

I already have two rugrats...

bah-dum-ch!!

I spell work P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N...

I am a worker bee, absolutely.  I love my job, too...  I know, right?!?  Sounds like a match made in heaven... Unfortunately my scanner is broken.  It works, partially.  And because it works partially, it still works in the eyes of management and therefore is a reason to NOT replace it.  I would break it fully, but then I would get caught...so is my luck.  The only work I have left to do right now is to scan and attach documents into our system...so I decided as a result...  NOT to... 

Instead I bring you a cheerful little ditty about my Harley:


Thing 1 comes in to me a week or two ago and says, "Hey Mom: You know Flamingos?" 

Me: "What...Like personally?"

H: No...duh...but you know Flamingos?  Those big pink birds?

Me: of course, I was just kidding.  I know Flamingos.  Why?

H: I like them.  They're pink.

Me:  Awesome.  So, what's your point?

H: I want a Flamingo birthday party.

Me: Interesting...  so now you like Flamingos?

H:  Well yeah!  Because they're PINK!

Oy to the Vay...

This is going to get interesting to say the least.  Harley has a memory like her dad.  Photographic and elephant-like.  You have to be careful what is said around her because she will hold you to it, or bring it up, or some such embarassing incident will occur.  Fine, I have learned to deal with it.  What I am saying is, that we are months from her birthday and I might as well start looking for Flamingo stuff because DAMN!  She will bring it up again and again.  And I can't just walk into the store and get Flamingo stuff.  I will probably have to work on some online magic.  I usually don't do the online thing when I purchase.  I like stores, I like being around people, I like going in and smelling and touching. 

Also in the realm of Harleyness:  the kid eats like a bird. 
This is a problem for me because even as a picky kid, I ate more variety of foods than she does.  I am slowly but surely adding different foods into her diet.  And she is so silly about it.  I serve her a food and she asks,"Mom what is this food?"  I tell her and she asks,"Have I had it before?" and I answer.  And if the answer is yes she retorts,"Do I like it?" to which the answer is ALWAYS yes in a ploy to get her to put it in her mouth and atleast get one bite down before she makes her decision.  This has been working fairly well so far.  I am a fan, really.

Yesterday and today I have been forcing full bowls of cereal with milk on her.  Usually she wakes up and has just enough time to get ready for school and choke down some dry cereal in a baby size bowl or a pop tart a la daddy.  I have been getting her up extra early, getting her to dress quickly and meet me at the dining table for a hearty bowl of honey nut cheerios.  So we have our breakfast together.  This is good.  She tries to keep up with me and eats bigger bites and has an easy time of it.  She is using our size spoons and bowls now, I have completely weened her of her character tablewares.  She hardly noticed. 

Harley hardly noticed any of those changes as a baby, and now as a kid.
As a baby Harley was not a binky baby.  She never caught on to the pacifier phenomenon and I couldn't have been happier.  When it came to going from bottle to sippy cup...easy peezy, lemon squeezey.  Going from her crib to a toddler bed and shortly after that a big girl bed... no problemo.  Potty training was a task, but we learned later that had more to do with her own bodily functions not functioning right as opposed to ill-fated theory.  And now, she is eating a fuller breakfast...  she takes change very well...  Yay for us!  Also, our morning routine has changed somewhat with our latest addition...

It used to be that I would wake up, get myself dressed and such and have enough time to help Harley get ready while Daddy made both our lunches.  When I had gestational diabetes, he had to ad "Make Ashley Breakfast" to that task and I got fresh quesadillas every morning because there aren't any real breakfasty foods allowed on that diet.  

Now, tis different my friends.  Now I wake up earlier, wake Harley up, get us breakfast, make our lunches... Daddy has baby time.  I would happily take baby time, but baby time encompasses one task... the baby...  And when Daddy is tired or hasn't slept well because of said baby, he forgets things...  milk in the cereal...the spoon...  the cereal...  cheese in the sandwich...honey in harley's pb and honey sandwich...fruit snacks... granola bars.. spoons..  basically things get left out.  So we have made the bait and switch and it be working just fine :)  Daddy is still tired. haha, like Clark Griswold...he gets weird when he gets tired.  Everything turns into one great big joke and he laughs at nothing...  it's great entertainment for me and Harley... Mary was even laughing at him last night.  She has good taste :)  such is a day in the life of us... 

And I wouldn't trade it for nuthin!!  Yay! 

Your services are no longer required...

What seems like long ago in a land far, far away and also like yesterday at the same time...my Pop left us for an ethereal plane where he can play guitar and harmonica simultaneously...cause he couldn't seem to do it here on Earth... 
My Pop and I had a connection..  the kind of thing where I didn't need to call  him every day because I knew things were good with him and he knew things were good with me and if he ever got the notion that I was holding something back he would check with Ma.  Funny...because they had to get divorced to become best friends...  Weirdos...
He said something to me once that I switched around to help  me cope with losing him...
I once complained about not getting very much attention from my mother.
At the time I felt I lived with her because I had to, not because I wanted to.
As the years went on with me, Ma, the THEN husband and my elder sister, I noticed the pattern.  I didn't really NEED the attention that she was getting from Ma.  It was negative attention.  I didn't get attention because I didn't need it, not really.  And because I didn't go to Ma with every single little thing, when I DID need her, she was there because she KNEW it was important stuff if I was going to her with it. 
So, when I lost my dad too early for my liking...I thought about it.  Why the HELL would God take my dad from me? He wasn't a bad person...  he was a good guy...why do bad things happen to good people and all that crap... I went through it all. 
And I thought about it..  in terms of my coping mechanism, I thought to myself, "He left because he knew I didn't need him anymore."  Pop was always smarter than the average Papa Bear...  He was a brain ninja...he'd throw his little verbal ninja stars and the shit would HIT you out of nowhere.. or he'd tell you how things were going to turn out and no matter how much you didn't like it or thought it was wrong... turns out YOU were the one that was wrong my friend...  Therefore, he must have known that life would go on just fine for us all without him.  He was such a blessing to my step mom, and step siblings lives, turned them around really...  he did his job.  It was time for him to sit back and watch his work from a better POV (that's movie people talk for point of view, yeah I threw that out there).
And now you know how I cope. 
Now, for my other dad...  Felipe... definitely taken too soon...and I'm trying so hard to apply the same addage to losing him as I did to losing Pop.  When I saw them after Pop was gone, we went to their house for dinner.  They made me a sympathy dinner of my favorites, bacon wrapped shrimp and chile rellanos and I cried on Antonio's shoulder and I cried on Felipe's shoulder until there was a big wet spot on his designer shirt and he told me that if I ever needed anything I could come to them anytime...and he meant it...and I did.  And from then on I really truly thought of him as a father figure.  The man had so much love he was giving it away and I still feel great honor for being one of the many recipiants.  I can't even say I'll miss him because it's not the right word. Not by a long shot.
I can think of a million people who needed him to stay ...  but I can think of one that will be just fine...
My fantastic husband is fantastic because of three people... His mom, his dad, and himself.  And there's alot of his dad in there because he was the odd job, different job type of guy and always seemed to be available to Antonio when he was little.  Sort of like how Antonio is with our kids.  Funny how the acorn doesn't fall far from the nuthouse...
Antonio and Felipe didn't really have a lot in common. It seemed to me that it was hard for Felipe to relate to his son..because he was raising a completely different person from himself.  Felipe lost his father when he was young and Antonio grew up with both parents.  Felipe had 6 brothers and sisters and Antonio was an only child, spoiled rotten to the core unlike Felipe.  He even took to taking in kids (family, friends of Antonio's, friends kids) who were going through a tough time or a little troubled themselves because he had a lot of wisdom for kids like that but he couldn't really pass it to Antonio because that wasn't Antonio's world...
And Felipe realized something as Antonio got older...  he didn't radiate the need for a positive male figure like young Felipe did...because Antonio already had it...  He didn't need to look any further than his own living room.  Or right behind him, which is where his dad always was.  And always will be.  And that is how I am comforting my husband.  His dad left because he raised his son up right... and there was just nothing else he could offer him. 
Of course, his wife won't be comforted by that because she has lost her soul mate...and you'll never "not need" your soulmate.  Harley will be missing out on time with her grandpa who couldn't have loved her more if he tried and Marysu... we'll be able to tell the stories..it won't be the same but it'll have to do. Hopefully she'll be comforted by what will surely be tears streaming down our faces during the tales...
I'm sure it sounds odd, but someone knows something we don't...and maybe that something is that we really will be just fine without them and they knew that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...
Now, here is your pink slip, you can pick up your last paycheck in the HR department...

6 degrees of Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band...

That's right...I wrote that...  There is a musical group called Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band and my mom LOVED them... she had the record, the tape, the record recorded ONTO a tape...  And that's what we had in our house as a child...amongst MANY other musical groups and ecclectic collections of records and tapes.  Yay us.  Well, I just had to say that I can pin point when I knew that I was going to LOVE Antonio's parents..  I already told you our story.  Okay Fine.  Well, there are things in life that make things click...So many things made us click.  And I was so scared after all of the "getting to know you" part was basically over and we were totally in love, gourmet cheese style, I still had to meet his parents. 

Know this: NO boyfriend's parents had EVER liked me.

Not EVER...

The closest I had come in my life was a friend, that was a boy, had a mom that wanted me to date her son so she could call me the daughter she never had.  I was 11 then... that doesn't count.  I didn't date her son...  so it REALLY doesn't count.  Maybe it was the brazenness of my dress?  You think?  XL surf shirts and baggy jeans...oh yeah, call me Jezebel!

Anyhoot...I had already heard the horror stories about Antonio's parents giving girlfriends past the cold shoulder (for very good reason it turns out) but who was I to be considered any better at this early point in our relationship?  It's winter/spring in the I.E., that means torrents of rain and my poor honey drove a Ford POS that we referred to as the Snot Rocket (it was green ya'll) and the Rocket was out of commission.  I didn't have my car because I was transitioning from my first car to my next car and I had to get a ride from my ex steppie... bummer...  He said he'd give me a ride home, SWEET!  But he had his dad's car and he almost jumped off the cliff about it.  I thought, how bad could it be?  Geo Metro bad...haha!  If you've never been in one, they're nothing to scoff at...I couldn't believe the leg room in this thing!  It was amazing!  It could have been make out city..but it was his DAD'S car...ew.  We get out on the road and head to Temecula with a quick stop at J.Box...CHILI CHEESE CURLY FRIES!!  Ahem...they need to bring those back...Just sayin... 

I'm nosey by nature, I can't help it.  I'm observant to the point of sneakery and I don't care who knows it.  I was looking all over the car checking stuff out and came across the CD case under the seat.  You can tell a whole lot about people from the music they listen to.  Music is like soul candy, or atleast it is to me.  So I'm thinking, I can get a leg up on these people, have something to talk about.. The Clash, The Police, Andre Boccelli, DiVinyls, The Best of Simon and Garfunkel, Al Green, Earth, Wind and Fire... it's looking pretty damn decent.  Until I come across the I Ching...  Something I hadn't seen in years because my mom had lost her last tape and we got her the CD when we lived in El Toro, but what happened? Got lost in the move...I just about cried...  I really really did... 

THAT moment, right there...before holding a full conversation with them, I knew it was going to be alright.  I knew they would be awesome, they would everything that everyone should have in in-laws...and yes people, I knew they would be in-laws then...  I truly did...Gourmet Cheese is served.

I think of Dr. Buzzard and I can SMELL my mom's Clinique perfume the memories are that strong.  Sitting in that car for the first time ever and I was immediately comforted...I was always comfortable around Antonio since day one...  that was just another link in the chain my friend...  Just another link...and it only got longer and stronger from there....

and now I want chili fries...

Rule # 32: enjoy the little things...

Obsession?  Or organic Prozac?  Either way, I love me some lip gloss...It's funny the things that make you feel better.  Just little things.  These are just the ones that I keep on me at any given time.  This is isn't even what I have at home...  (evil chuckle)  I can't help myself....  but hey, they get used so they don't go to waste and I figure what's a few dollars here and there if means keeping me out of the looney bin?  Because sometimes, I can sit and think about things and over thinking is something that comes very naturally to me...  If it weren't for things like chapsticks and lip balms shooting that happy feeling through my body once in a while I could go mad.  I don't always have access to the things that make me ecstatic i.e. Choni, Harley, Marysu, Ma...my many, many, many members of extended family...  So, once in a while, on my lunch I'll venture into Wal-Mart or Target and see what's doin in the lip department.  Choni doesn't mind this behavior due to it giving me silky smooth lips. Hah!

This is also one of those things I can control.  When life is throwing me to a whirlwind and isn't going in just one direction, I slow it down a little by just sitting down and thinking, "Can't control this and can't control that...  but... "  and it comes to me.  Maybe a new nail polish is the ticket?  Or chapstick?  My kids make me happy, even when they're being bad...they are being perfectly healthy and bad...  I'll take it... I'll reel in that awful behavior reminding myself I am a Mom who gives a shit or two to do so in the first place and I start to feel better...if Harley does what I say?  I get a false sense of power of Wonder Woman proportions and then I am the one who needs reeling in ;) 
Right about now, I could really use a new chapstick...not really...but YOU know what I mean.
Over the weekend, I cleaned the kids room...again...  I have done that about a hundred times.  Why?  because I can control it.  I can control how clean that room is, how everything is organized... 
Because I can't control my poor hubby's feelings..I can't control my poor father in law's breathing for him so he can come home and say goodbye to us on his own terms. 
So I douched my house :)  And then the dog trapsed through the dining room with muddy paws... 
It's still there...
I moved on ...

I also love food...I try to keep it a luxury as far as the goodies go...and I try to make my own to keep the "processed foods intake" down in our house.  I try to make as much as I can.  I make my own frozen waffles ;)  But food is supposed to fill us with nutrients, not provide entertainment value.  I make a conscious decision each and every day not to find comfort in food, which is hard.  But once in a while...I will indulge in an extra Coke.  I already bring my own Dr Pepper to work so I don't break my bank buying them individually from work.  I DO buy them here though.  One of the few reasons I do so:  To ensure that the vending machine is here the next day!  There are so many things here that we take for granted at my job, I don't want vending machines to become one of them.  So every once in a while I throw my $.85 in there and out pops an ice cold refreshment!  On the weekends, though...the gloves are off! 

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm a simple creature..I'm able to keep it simple by sticking to the small things that bring a smile to my face on a daily basis and sometimes, you can get yourself into a mood where looking at picture of the two most special faces in the world won't do it for you... so...there's always a new flavor of Carmex to bring the good mood in right!  Or pens... have I mentioned the pens???

Food for thought:  The Simpsons Movie is even funnier at 4:47am...

♫♪Grandpa...Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole Days...♪♫

I never thought I would find myself in a world without Grandpas...It's a weird notion...and I never thought about it.  I took for granted the fact that mine and Antonio's parents had us at early ages...and that we were having our children early and that they would be surrounded by grandparents and so much more love than they would get from us.  Wow... I couldn't have BEEN more wrong.  Just added it to the laundry list of things I have been wrong about and moved on...  When I grew up, I had my pop's dad, my mom's mom and her third husband who I lovingly referred to as Grandpa Davy and my mom's dad was more like a watermark on our lives because his wife was bat-chit crazy mang. 

When my mom got remarried, even though I could have cared less for the man, I really liked his parents.  I loved is parents...they were my grandparents.  I loved how his mom insisted on getting everyone's addresses in line at the grocery store.  I thought it was ridiculous, but I really loved it. It screamed the time she came from.  My Grandma Mary was very progressive and very few things came from her as a shadow of the past.  She wouldn't step foot oustside in her housecoat and she wouldn't receive guests without filling them food...other than that, she had some very progressive thoughts.  Loved it.  I had sooo much grandparent love it was ridiculous.  I even remember telling Grandma Mary that...  I was happy I had so much multigenerational experience to fall back on.  And of all things that I wanted for my children that I did or didn't have as a child...  they won't have that.  They have their grandma's.  That's it.  As of probably this weekend, they will be in a world without Grandpa's.  My pop was taken from us when I was 22...  Yeah, I had him for a while...but I wasn't done with him yet. 

Luckily, I had an awesome fiancee (husband now) and his family was awesome...  I thought, I know that if I ever needed anything in the dad realm, I could call my future father in law in an instant and he would drop what he was doing to help me.  So, I said goodbye to my pop and figured that you just can't have too many good things in life and someone decided before the levee broke that something had to go...  And now, my beloved father in law is talking to his wife about taking him off life support because he is ready to leave behind his disease riddled body. 

My daughters, Thing 1 and Thing 2, are in very different positions... Thing 1 is 6 and a half and can remember all the times she spent Friday and Saturday at Grandpa and Grandma's and spent all day Friday with Grandpa cause Grandma works and all day Saturday with Grandma cause she needed to get her time in before Mom and Dad (which am us) came to scoop her up.  She is in a difficult position because she loves her Grandpa and doesn't want him to go.  Thing 2 on the other hand will never know her Grandpa and will only hear the story about how he held on as long as he could to see her born and feel her soft little feet on his cheek because he couldn't hold her hand. 

When one door opens, a window closes and so forth... I can checkerboard a pattern proof of this in my life.  So I can't be too surprised...  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always does.  I don't necessarily lead my life in a manner expecting the worst...but I am always prepared for it for the most part.  I know life can't go on perfectly, so I am not terribly dissappointed all the time when things don't go my way.  Pleasantly surprised is always a good way to be...  and particularly bummed is a common occurence.  Fine.  I can deal with that.
But when I can't deal with it...I get my hair done...Or I polish my nails. Or change the laces in my shoes.  It's these small things in life that I CAN control completely that help me get through the organized chaos of my life.

Meanwhile, here I sit, work completely done waiting for a phone call from my sweet sweet partner in life who hasn't dealt with this at all and will definitely need someone at his side when it does...because it will...and it'll hit the poor guy like a ton of fuckin bricks.  And that is why I am here, I am here to catch him when he falls... I feel damned lucky that I GET to catch him when he falls. That's why I'm his wife :) 

On a completely different note: did you know that you can find Transformers the original cartoon on at 4am?

Donna wants to be a lumberjack when she grows up...

In "That 70's Show", Jackie is always looking to be famous, or even a model.  She gets suckered into going to a scam modeling agency and Jackie thinks it's the real deal.  The woman doing the scamming is checking Jackie out and asks for her money...then she looks at Donna and asks if SHE wants to be a model to which Jackie replies...

And Donna says, "Stop TELLING people THAT!"


When I was in high school, my friend Lores used to tell me I was going to be a serial killer librarian when I grew up.  And this is what she based it on...
when I was in middle school I had a mouth like a sailor.  One day my Pop is hearing me talk to one of my foulmouthed hooligan friends on the phone and he just looks at me...At this point in our relationship, Pop doesn't really care that I was using "that" language, just if I did it around friends of the family and family...  basically everyone that wasn't him...Fine...I respected the SHIT out of that..heh..
I got off the phone and he asked me what was the point of swearing at my age?  No really, he says...what was the point?  I had NO answer for him really...which was a bad thing.  Pop asked you a question, boom, you had an answer... or prepare to be ridiculed...  He explains to me that someone as smart as me at that age should know better than to use such words...why not challenge myself to use better words??  Wow...okay...a challenge of that size coming from my Pop?  Touche, Pop...touche... 
So from then on I considered myself on a quest to NOT swear. 
When I moved from Fountain Valley "A Nice Place To Live" to El Toro/Lake Forest "A Far Off Place", I was misconstrued as a prude...Jesus Freak was a moniker often thrown out.  It seemed quite "The Thing" in my high school to be Christian...Like Rock-a-billy...but with bibles.  Fine.  I went to church with my sister, but it was mostly to join in on her quest to find herself, like getting caught in a jetwash...  Which was odd that we held on to that tradition as long as we did because when I tended to follow my sister in her "jetwash" it turned out more like Mav and Goose and I was always Goose...  Damn that canopy.

With the "Christian" label upon me, I didn't get a lot of dates...It was either that or the braces...  who knows.  It took me Freshman and Sophomore year of high school to find my groove and hook up with some cool people...Lores being one of them and my Guria... I was able to more so explain my views.  I was going the non swearing route due to what I felt at the time was expressing my level of ego intelligence (still actually think that by the way) and I wasn't off having tons of sex (not that I didn't get offers).  I wasn't having ANY sex actually.  And not to be a prude, it wasn't that at all... it was the logistics really...  Plus, my parents put the FEAR in us at a young age.  My mother made it damn clear we weren't to be coming home at any age with the "guess what grandma?" look on our faces.  The fear kept my legs closed til I met my husband.  I wasn't waiting for Jesus...I wasn't waiting for myself...I was waiting for someone that I could atleast picture myself being with for a really long ass time if not forever and I got luckier than a whole country full of four leaf clovers... Yes it's cheesey but it's true, so you must allow for SOME cheesiness here...

How do I put this delicately??  I partied alot...in Middle School.  Hence, I was partied out by 8th grade...due to that and my boyfriend acting really weird when he came back from a trip at his dad's in the summer between 7th and 8th grade it's a miracle I hadn't slept with HIM back THEN.  I know...gross... but it's true.  So when I got to my special band of peeps Junior year of High School, they were just getting warmed up.  Whereas, I preferred a night at home with a Crispy Chicken sandwich combo and extra ranch from Carl's while watching some Revenge of the Nerds, or perhaps Animal House...  Luckily, my Guria decided then that maybe she needed to party a little less and that's how we becamse so close.  Her mother even thanked me a little for keeping her daughter out of the backseat of a cop car.  You are very welcome Zeca :)  Lores however, her boyfriend was into raves and ecstasy... Good for him.  I was NOT about to be getting into that shit because that rave music sucks. I needed to keep my head on my shoulders so I get out of High School and get on with the rest of my life. 
I don't talk to Lores anymore, but if she wants to look for me, that bitch probably always checks the libraries first....

♫♪At Laaaaast...♫♪♫

Today is a very important day in my life :) 

     8 years ago today, I married the love of my life.  Me...the cynical one.  I used to give people very generous amounts of shit about love at first site (can you tell my parents were divorced?) and how it's not possible. 
Yet...I can tell you all about the first day of the rest of my life... 

     I had just enrolled at Mt. San Jacinto College and was new to the area.  I had too many ill fated blind dates to count and first dates that never turned into second dates.  I was working part time at corporate gluttonous video franchise (a.k.a Blockbuster Video) and I decided I wanted to get out of here!  After being promised one thing, and delivered another... I found myself at the 2 year college about to embark on my new journey...  it was August 2000.  One year out of High School and already forgot half the names of those blue gowned morons...  I had Math Mondays and Wednesdays, English and Film Tuesdays and Thursdays and History on Fridays.  It was a fantastic Tuesday.  There was a two and a half hour gap between my English and Film classes and against my better judgement I would go to Target and Jack in the Box.  Then back to the little mini quad in front of the theater where the film class was held.  We walk into the first class like so many mooing cattle and take our seats.  I sat behind a very nice smelling individual and start to play my game to myself "Who in THIS class would I date if they asked me out?"...  Mr. Davis calls out the familiar phrase from teachers all my life "Please let me know if you prefer to be called something other than what I have on my roll sheet as we go along, thank you" and he goes down the list...  we're to the M's and I'm not impressed with this selection brought forth...  Math was incredibly not promising and English was mostly older women and incredibly immature boys.  Film class seemed like it would be a new frontier right?  Nope, not until we got to the N's... 

     I hear Mr. Davis say the name on the roster and as I'm leaned over into my over flowing backpack, up pops the nice smelling one infront of me and stands there in the middle of the theater, making a runway-esque circle in place and informs Mr. Davis and a booming voice with a mischievious smile "Call me Antonio!"...  and with a smirk, he sits down...but not before shooting a glance my way...and there it started...  I started to get to that mini quad earlier before the class started and there he would be.
Sitting on the brick planter with his sketchbook out, tongue in cheek, dressed very nicely, smelling good!  And keeping to himself.  At first I thought, oh no...he's too good looking, too good smelling.  Hair is too nice...  I honestly thought for a second that maybe girls weren't his thing.  I had yet to come across a guy this kempt.  But no, I noticed him glancing my general direction. And me being me, I always thought it was because he had never seen a thing so hideous before in his life. 

     Oh no, he was looking I came to find out later.  We started the small talk chit chat and soon I was getting there earlier and earlier...and I thought it odd that a guy who girls seemed to flock to (and they did) would be sitting in one spot so long before this class started.  So I asked if he had an earlier class and he did. Jogging.  Okay, that's...cool?  So, we talk every Tuesday and Thursday before class and pretty soon I find myself BOLTING out of English Lit towards the mini quad to get THAT much more time in. 
One day, it's announced...we will be touring Warner Brothers Studios!!!  The good smelling one turns around immediately!  "Shotgun in your car!!" as we would not be taking a school funded bus ride.  He had seen me in my car by then... a brown 1977 Impala that I lovingly referred to as Max :)  My first car...  I thought he was kidding...  so I shrugged it off and my new friend Anna Banana and I went off in our own world again.

     Day of the field trip, two weeks before our final, he shows up...with a girl in his car... WTF???  I thought he had some balls to bring another chick along with us!  I mean, the good old fashioned rudeness was there, and then the fact that I started to really like him was making it worse.  He rolls up with this little blondey and the first thing comes out of my mouth "I only have enough seatbelts for me you and Anna"....  along with the dirtiest look I think I have ever shot.

     "Oh no, I'm just dropping her off"... wow, quick defense... must be true.  We spent the whole way up small talking with Anna Banana...  She fell asleep in the car all the way down and that's when we got to know eachother...

     It was perfect...he was so perfect for me... I was so steeped in past treachery that I didn't even catch the pick up that he wanted to go out that night after we returned to school, but I was beat and I could feel a sinus attack from being in LA all day coming on...so I said I was going home and going to bed... lame...
Two weeks later, our final.  I take tests quickly and was done when he was only halfway through...so I turned back, saw his progress (or lack thereof) and started to doodle on the back of my test...  mid doodle I saw him getting up and I got myself up and turned in my test right behind him.  We get outside and as I am mid open mouth, about to say something, girls flock like a moth to goddman flame!  No joke, I swear this is 100% accurate portrayal...  I meet his eyes and he sees me walk toward my car...I start walking faster when I hear bounding footsteps behind me.  I walk a little faster...a little faster, I'm making him chase me :)  I watch too many movies...Anyhoo, we talk by my car for about 1 hour...then we get food... he sees I like to eat...he's enticed... He offers up a movie watching night and I agree... He offers up the Grinch movie, showing his listening skills that I had mentioned I wanted to see it months before... keeper!  We see the Grinch, we go dutch cause I don't know if it's a date or not.  We part ways  :(  That was the last day of film class!  The next day I am depressed as all hell not knowing how to get ahold of this guy and I see him walking towards the Arts building as I am walking away from my history final...  what were the chances???  He was just dropping off his art final so he had the rest of the morning to himself :)  I was going to Target to get my sister a pan for Christmas for her new place and he came with me!  My mom was so dialed in to my boring life thus far that she was beeping me (yes beeping) and he thought for a split second "Dear God what did I just step into this girl is on a leash" but not, Ma just knew my schedule so well it was odd not to be home.  We exchanged pieces of art...mine a script I wrote and his a movie he made, I wrote my number in HUGE red letters and even drew a heartlike circle around it...no phone call.  He grew up near where I grew up and he said if I ever went back let him know and we'll go together...well, I was looking for an excuse to visit, so I called him that Monday after I spent all weekend going over it with my friend and sister.  No call back until Tuesday evening.  His dad gave him the message just as he was walking out the door to work.  He was late to work to call me back!!  Hah!!  We went on our excursion on Wednesday morning and by Wednesday evening we were a couple.  Not just dating, we were together.  I knew it, if he had said "Let's go to Vegas and make it official" that night, I would have gone. 

So that's the long boring story...there are more things we have that make it so we were really meant to be together, but I'll bore ya'll with that later!!!   Our first date was in fact the Grinch... Dec. 14th 2000...  We got engaged Dec. 7th 2002 and our wedding day was 8 years ago today!  And it turns out...white is not our color ;)