What seems like long ago in a land far, far away and also like yesterday at the same time...my Pop left us for an ethereal plane where he can play guitar and harmonica simultaneously...cause he couldn't seem to do it here on Earth...
My Pop and I had a connection.. the kind of thing where I didn't need to call him every day because I knew things were good with him and he knew things were good with me and if he ever got the notion that I was holding something back he would check with Ma. Funny...because they had to get divorced to become best friends... Weirdos...
He said something to me once that I switched around to help me cope with losing him...
I once complained about not getting very much attention from my mother.
At the time I felt I lived with her because I had to, not because I wanted to.
As the years went on with me, Ma, the THEN husband and my elder sister, I noticed the pattern. I didn't really NEED the attention that she was getting from Ma. It was negative attention. I didn't get attention because I didn't need it, not really. And because I didn't go to Ma with every single little thing, when I DID need her, she was there because she KNEW it was important stuff if I was going to her with it.
So, when I lost my dad too early for my liking...I thought about it. Why the HELL would God take my dad from me? He wasn't a bad person... he was a good guy...why do bad things happen to good people and all that crap... I went through it all.
And I thought about it.. in terms of my coping mechanism, I thought to myself, "He left because he knew I didn't need him anymore." Pop was always smarter than the average Papa Bear... He was a brain ninja...he'd throw his little verbal ninja stars and the shit would HIT you out of nowhere.. or he'd tell you how things were going to turn out and no matter how much you didn't like it or thought it was wrong... turns out YOU were the one that was wrong my friend... Therefore, he must have known that life would go on just fine for us all without him. He was such a blessing to my step mom, and step siblings lives, turned them around really... he did his job. It was time for him to sit back and watch his work from a better POV (that's movie people talk for point of view, yeah I threw that out there).
And now you know how I cope.
Now, for my other dad... Felipe... definitely taken too soon...and I'm trying so hard to apply the same addage to losing him as I did to losing Pop. When I saw them after Pop was gone, we went to their house for dinner. They made me a sympathy dinner of my favorites, bacon wrapped shrimp and chile rellanos and I cried on Antonio's shoulder and I cried on Felipe's shoulder until there was a big wet spot on his designer shirt and he told me that if I ever needed anything I could come to them anytime...and he meant it...and I did. And from then on I really truly thought of him as a father figure. The man had so much love he was giving it away and I still feel great honor for being one of the many recipiants. I can't even say I'll miss him because it's not the right word. Not by a long shot.
I can think of a million people who needed him to stay ... but I can think of one that will be just fine...
My fantastic husband is fantastic because of three people... His mom, his dad, and himself. And there's alot of his dad in there because he was the odd job, different job type of guy and always seemed to be available to Antonio when he was little. Sort of like how Antonio is with our kids. Funny how the acorn doesn't fall far from the nuthouse...
Antonio and Felipe didn't really have a lot in common. It seemed to me that it was hard for Felipe to relate to his son..because he was raising a completely different person from himself. Felipe lost his father when he was young and Antonio grew up with both parents. Felipe had 6 brothers and sisters and Antonio was an only child, spoiled rotten to the core unlike Felipe. He even took to taking in kids (family, friends of Antonio's, friends kids) who were going through a tough time or a little troubled themselves because he had a lot of wisdom for kids like that but he couldn't really pass it to Antonio because that wasn't Antonio's world...
And Felipe realized something as Antonio got older... he didn't radiate the need for a positive male figure like young Felipe did...because Antonio already had it... He didn't need to look any further than his own living room. Or right behind him, which is where his dad always was. And always will be. And that is how I am comforting my husband. His dad left because he raised his son up right... and there was just nothing else he could offer him.
Of course, his wife won't be comforted by that because she has lost her soul mate...and you'll never "not need" your soulmate. Harley will be missing out on time with her grandpa who couldn't have loved her more if he tried and Marysu... we'll be able to tell the stories..it won't be the same but it'll have to do. Hopefully she'll be comforted by what will surely be tears streaming down our faces during the tales...
I'm sure it sounds odd, but someone knows something we don't...and maybe that something is that we really will be just fine without them and they knew that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...
Now, here is your pink slip, you can pick up your last paycheck in the HR department...
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