"Dirty Mouth? Clean it UP!"...

...Oh Orbit Lady.... PLEASE come through my house!!!  ...And then I wake up... Cause yeah... that's NOT gonna happen. Not no way, not no how...

 

Guess what I did yesterday? Nothing.  I cleaned the kids room with them (by with them of course I mean giving Thing 2 things to keep her busy while I cleaned with Thing 1)...  I can't believe what we were able to clean. I can't believe what she let me get rid of.  Yes LET ME.  I know, I shouldn't let my kid have the say really.  But here's the part about them being far apart.  Thing 1 is at the age when she should be getting rid of baby toys...but we have the baby now...and she is old enough to play with all those toys.  One day, they will be gone, but we just signed a new lease on their life.  If those toys could talk I'd demand some thank yous...  just sayin...

 

Cleaning the kid's room has become somewhat of a "mommy" job.  Sometimes I sell myself on the idea that the chores are perfectly, evenly split up, but they're not.  They're just not.  It's never going to be perfectly even and perfect.  Putting the kid's laundry away is a mommy job.  But I like it.  I like it because I am the one that buys them their replacement clothes...so if I buy the clothes, I should fold them and put them away so I know what's hole-y.  What's shredded, ripped, stained, too small and ready to go.  I like my "mommy" jobs.  I try to do other things, but the only time I have to do things is the weekends, which this weekend was one where daddy worked...  I played with the kiddos yesterday and cleaned and played...we watched movies, had a little friend over, sent the little friend home, and played... Mary slept, I worked on a crochet project (what's with all these breeders lately? I loved it!) and I went to bed a little later than usual cause I wanted to hug and kiss my Choni-baloney before I went to bed.  And then, he did the dishes... He worked, came home at 9:30 after stopping at the store after work, put the food away and did the dishes...  Yeah, that's what I married...  and that's why I strive to be a better person everyday...and that's why last night I went to bed totally depressed.  I am going to have start a personal journal....

 

I need somewhere where I can completely release the crazy inadequacies I feel as the spouse... some of it's pure bullshit.  Some of it is pretty valid... Some of it is just for us.. some of it... like when I have had people tell me that from their end, they don't think Choni does enough... 

 

Yep... people have told me that.  I know what they mean is based on what they see, but you have to be in our house day to day to realize that it's really the other way around...  I play with the kids when I have them... because I am constantly in a state of flux.  I want to clean the house, I want to see them see me clean the house so they can say "wow, what a clean house we have."  But I have some negative semi-repressed memories about having a clean house, which is also probably a serious part of me being "Clean or play?  PLAY!"  Because we did things as a family, but I can't remember a time my mom really PLAYED with  me.  I don't hold it against her or anything, she worked like a fuckin DOG to keep our house up and my dad did, too...  food on the table and a clean house and a few memories here and there of Disneyland, Knott's, picnics, birthday parties.  Lots of snuggly nights at home...  right before bed and after dinner...  very warm and snuggly... but I also remember several times when my OCD dad decided to WASH THE SCREENS instead of go to the park with us, so we made our own fun. 

 

I know people will call bullshit on the fact that I say "well the baby is UP MY ASS"  because it IS difficult to keep your mind ON TASK when a midget is pulling your pants down whilst climbing your leg... so we do what we can, but still... I feel like I should be doing a better job.  Like my house should be immaculate like so many other people's houses are (or maybe they're not and I PRESUME they are)... I guess everyone juggles differently and this is how we juggle... We prioritized, and cleanliness of house has taken a bit of a back burner...sure, I Swiffer... that shit's RAD... but when I dusted my house as a chore when I was a kid, it was a rag and Pledge to the WHOLE shebang and that was all that was acceptable.  My mom could tell when I tickled the house with a feather duster and what did I do the next day?  Re-DID all the dusting I didn't do the day before.... 

 

I guess the point is, I don't  have a clean house... my poor hubby does 95% percent more housework than I do and I play with the kids...  and one day this will change... so I'm going to do my best to enjoy this while it lasts...because one day...the kids won't want a thing to do with me and I'll be cleaning out of necessity to keep my time occupied.  And that's why my house is disheveled and my nails are barely kempt and I sneak in project-ing when the baby naps...oh and I am at my pre baby weight and sustaining because it's too goddamned hot to go outside and walk and my post work work-outs are on hold until Thing 2 gets old enough to NOT get into shit... I'm waiting for Fall basically... or OUR Fall, which starts in late November... I should call this time "Baby Flux"...maybe naming it will help me get out of my head about it...  but see, now that I've said that and put it out there, I feel better already!  Blah...word vomit...and now I am purged!!!  ...and this is what happens when I have too much time to think things...  because this is all bullshit...and I know that...  first world problems eh?  TOTALLY!!!  And this is why I would be a horrible psych patient...  I would do a round of word vomit...and I would be cured...teeheehee...  And one day, I will be looking at a 5 year old Thing 2 and be thinking, "Remember when I didn't have time for things?"...  I remember doing that with Thing 1.  I think she was about 3 when I could just 100% get going on things and she wouldn't be ALL OVER ME...and as much as I sat there enjoying it, I was sad that I wasn't being called for, needed, "bugged"...  It's bittersweet, that moment when you're doing something that you couldn't easily do with a small one around, and then the moment you can... it's ALMOST not as enjoyable it once was.  Because that free time comes at a price...the price of kids growing up...  Circle of life n shit...  kids grow up, we get our "free time" back for what it's worth and we wonder where it all went...  And it's all so incredibly NORMAL...  and now I can move on to the next thing on my list of things to dwell on...what's for dinner??